Step 1: Accept That It’s Going to Suck
The recovery process cannot be painless.
If something has the power to build you up, it has the power to destroy you too.
The first step is to treat a breakup like an illness.
When you get ill, you have no choice but to spend some time in the repair house.
Step 2: Understand That It’s Normal to Feel Pain
Society expects men to be stoic bio-robots performing at their max 24/7.
Guess, what? God didn’t create you this way. Men have emotions too.
It’s not a coincidence that the greatest writers in this world are men.
To be a good writer you need four things – emotions, heavy observation, consistent struggle, and a deep understanding of the world.
The pain and anger that you’re feeling are completely normal. In fact, it would be abnormal if you didn’t feel them.
Like I already said, if something can build you, it can destroy you.
When you enter breakup mode, all those great feelings that were making you smile are now a power tool that’s hurting you.
The more you loved her, the more it’s going to hurt.
Do not feel guilt for experiencing normal human emotions. Don’t hate yourself for it.
Step 3: Understand That She Will Never Understand
Many men make a crucial mistake after a breakup, namely holding the woman accountable and trying to win her over by showing her their pain.
That’s a massive waste of time. If she actually had compassion and the capacity to understand your pain, she wouldn’t have hurt you in the first place. (read that twice)
If she cared, she wouldn’t have done that to you. It’s that simple. Attempting to show her how much you’re suffering has the opposite effect.
She doesn’t care and sees you as a beta that she was right to get rid of.
I repeat. She will absolutely never understand your pain.
Step 4: Understand That There’s Nothing You Could’ve Done
This point will be highly controversial to brains conditioned by gossip magazines and other forms of mainstream poison.
But as it frequently happens in the world, the reality is often the complete opposite of the official statement.
The “authorities” will try to blame YOU for the breakup because it’s fashionable to put all the weight on the male shoulders.
There are situations when a woman would cheat on a man and yet the world will still try to blame the man because “he didn’t make her feel appreciated”.
You’ve probably heard the saying “If a man isn’t happy in a relationship, it’s his problem. If a woman isn’t happy in a relationship, it’s still his problem.”
Here’s the truth: If a breakup is devastating to your being, you loved that woman. And if you loved her, you were probably doing all kinds of nice things for her. You weren’t perfect all the time, but you aren’t supposed to be. No one is.
You’re probably thinking that you could’ve done many things differently, but that’s a lie.
If you don’t have room for error, you’re not in a relationship, you’re in servitude. When one person is constantly trying, and the other is constantly “evaluating their performance”, then the evaluator is a slave owner.
Most breakups happen not because the man hasn’t bought the woman flowers or texted her at the right time, but because the woman wants more and different.
This is easily proven by the fact that women are running after bad boys who treat them badly. They will happily ghost the nice chemist boy for some motorhead that *** them and blocks them the next day.
Not politically correct but true.
I would even go as far as saying, that the men who give women the best treatment often receive women’s worst qualities and subsequently suffer greatly after a breakup.
Just stop digging into your behavior.
Also, do not ask her why she is breaking up with you because you will get one politically correct lie.
Step 5: Cut All Ties With Her
To speed up the recovery, you will have to treat the woman like a virus. The quicker she’s out of your life, the better.
If she hasn’t blocked you already, block her on all social media and messaging apps. Block all her friends too.
And if you have friends that want to continue to be friends with her, block them too.
Why? Because they will keep posting pictures and stories with her in the background. That’s not good for your brain.
If the said friends are offended, they were never really your friends. If they’re real friends, they will understand and take your side. Anyone on her side is an enemy for the time being.
The motivational speakers will tell you that this is stupid and that you should keep her in your contacts to show her your massive success later on, but that’s wishful thinking.
The reality is that your massive success in the future is highly hypothetical. It may or may not happen. There’s no need to prolong the suffering for some pseudo revenge that you may or may not get.
Also, she will move on faster than you, which brings me to the next point.
Step 4: It wasn’t sudden
It may feel unexpected, but I bet the breakup was pre-planned.
It’s called monkey branching – the monkey doesn’t let go of a branch until the other hand is squeezing the next one.
Women are the same way. More than likely, she’d already found someone before breaking up with you.
Personal Story Time
Once upon a time, I was talking to a woman that appeared highly interested in me. It turned out that she was in a relationship and was planning to leave her boyfriend. Her plan was to move in with me and leave him “surprised”.
I am not joking she was literally planning to pack her things, change her phone number and leave without even telling him one word.
At the beginning of our conversation, I asked her if she is single and she said yes. But then I found out the truth….namely that I was the next branch. I instantly cut her off.
Women move on faster because it’s mega easy for them to find a new guy out of the apps/catalogs on their phones.
That’s why I advise full block on all social media. You DO NOT want to see her with a new guy.
If he is hotter than you, you will feel worthless.
If he is a fatso with crooked teeth and smelly feet, you will get angry.
There’s no winning. So just block.
Step 6: Time is Your Friend But Only If You Keep Moving
On a long enough scale, we all become worm food. That includes the nice cute girl that hurt you.
Or in other words, time converts everything into something else.
Your goal should be to get to the next phase as fast as possible. But that won’t happen if you spend your time stalking her on social media.
Stay away from the Internet and fill your next month with all kinds of physical activities.
Why? Because the Internet is a pathway to pain and fries your brain.
Just make it a mission for one month to do physical stuff. Go through the motions even if you don’t feel like it.
Here are some options: hiking, swimming, woodworking, welding, boxing, running, cycling…etc.
Just get out there and do something with your body rather than your brain.
In this case, your brain is a torture organ. It will keep replaying all kinds of scenarios in your mind and none of them will help.
Physical activity and living in the now calm the nervous system. Mental activity and thinking of the past or future do the opposite.
Step 7: Sources of emotional spikes have to go
Listening to “what’s my gender” mainstream songs like “I let her go” and other soap opera nonsense is not allowed.
I recommend abandoning all music and romantic movies (you shouldn’t watch those anyway).
Why? Music plays with your emotional equilibrium and so do movies. Listening to music when you’re sad is the equivalent of putting down fire with gasoline.
Sad music with lyrics about love is the absolute worst, but for the best results abandon everything.
For how long? At least 1 week, preferably forever.
If you’re a musician, only play positive pieces during your recovery.
Step 8: Don’t talk to people that will criticize you. Only men who’ve been in your shoes know that pain.
Don’t bother talking to people who’re going to put the blame on you. Only talk to people who can understand how you feel a.k.a. individuals who’ve been through something similar.
Otherwise, you will only be criticized. :”You could’ve done this…that.”
You don’t need that type of talk. Your brain is a reactionary organ and is already doing that for you.
Step 9: Don’t make the problem bigger than it is.
I understand why men who’ve been in a committed relationship for years would feel mega sad after a breakup.
But if you’ve met the woman recently, you’re more than likely greatly overrating her and consequently the love that’s allegedly lost.
I know. I’ve done it.
Step 10: Understand That She Wasn’t Unique
The idea of a soulmate is a FEMININE concept.
Because women are always dreaming of a mythical upper-tier man that’s part of the top 5% in terms of looks, status, and lifestyle.
Part of it is biological. A woman is designed to seek a male that’s going to provide the greatest resources for her offspring. Hence the Cinderella stories about women who have nothing and yet marry princes.
When you add the fact that the basic necessities of the modern woman are satisfied by the state, you get what we call brutal hypergamy.
Or in simpler terms, the average woman is no longer satisfied by an average man (she never was.) Now, she wants the best even if she’s less than basic herself.
And when she gets close to such a man she calls him a soulmate because he is incredibly unique and almost impossible to secure.
Males operate differently. Nature knows that our chances of reproducing are way lower than those of a female.
To increase them, we’re programmed to like not only average but below-average women too.
We’re also given a higher sexual drive so that our hormones override our brains and push us into sexual contact even with women that are bad marriage material.
That’s why men often cry about plain women.
The high-status guys that women are sad about are highly limited and close to non-existent in some cities. But the women that men write sad poems for are often as basic as it comes.
I am willing to bet that the woman that you’re crying over isn’t all that special. I know because I’ve produced my fair share of tears for women that were low on the scale of uniqueness.
As men, we can’t afford to have soulmates, at least not in the same way women can.
Once upon a time, I read a quote that summarized it best:
“The love drama of a woman is that she can’t find the ONE. The love drama of a man is that he can’t find ANYONE.”
When a man is sad over a woman, that woman is highly interchangeable.
The women in all my sad stories (some of which you’ve probably read in the books) are interchangeable too. Or in other words, you can replace the said woman with another one from the factory without me noticing.
Men often attribute qualities to their lost love that she never really possessed. That’s called infatuation.
In reality, after a breakup, men are often sad about the failed opportunity/idea rather than the woman herself.
So, stop thinking how unique she was because she wasn’t. Just like the rest of them she was on Instagram talking about traveling, dogs, and cats.
Just like the rest of them, she left you for someone who provides more or different.
Just like the rest of them, she goes to the mall and buys stupid things she doesn’t need.
Just like the rest of them, she is programmed by feminist propaganda.
You Are Not Hurting Because You Lost Her But Because The Plantation Is Waiting For You
The main reason why men get sad over a girl is very rarely (almost never) the girl itself.
The fundamental issue is that the man has to return to the dating plantation.
He has to once again install the dating apps, clown online and offline, go to stupid dates, face countless cases of ghosting…etc.
THIS IS THE REAL SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN.
It all comes down to leverage and opportunity.
If you’re mega-rich, you can crash a Ferrari and not lose sleep over it. If you’re poor, seeing the engine light on your dashboard can depress you.
The dating market is the same. It has always been hard, but globalism, the Internet, the dating apps and social media made it multiple times worse.
This is the real issue at hand. If you were capable of attracting a ton of women, it will be hard to feel sad over a single one that has treated you badly.
But if you have spent years trying to find a girlfriend, it would feel like she is the one and insanely unique. As I already mentioned, as men, we can’t afford to have “the one”.
For better or worse, this is the market today and the individual can’t do much to change it.
If I could, I would. But I can’t. Nobody cares about us or our preferences. So, we have no choice but to keep living as best as we can.
The brutal reality is that you will have to go out there and fight again. And yes, it’s going to suck, but that doesn’t make the woman that hurt you special.
If You Can Get One, You Can Get Another One
Millionaires say that the first million is the hardest to make. I hate motivational nonsense like that, but I can confirm that this principle holds true in other aspects of life.
The first book is the hardest to write.
Getting from 0 to 1 chin-up is harder than getting from 1 to 2.
Going to the dentist for the 10th time is easier than going the first time…
You get the idea.
Relationships are similar. People who’ve been in one have an easier time getting another one later on.
So, you’re already ahead of those who never had nothing.
Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that it’s impossible to get a new woman. It’s more than possible. You’ve already done it.
Man, I wish you wrote this 13 years ago. Regardless, thank you for writing it.
Bel username amico
I’d love to hear your views on women hitting the wall. Please write something about it🙏🏾
I have had the ‘pleasure’ to hit the above 30 scene in my city, and it seems that the consequences of The Wall start to become real only after 40.
The only ones who have no dancing pigeons around are at the lower (extreme) tail of the looks, and higher tail of the weight, distribution.
it helps more to read your articles than to listen to the motivational bozos on the internet for sure. I agree with everything
Buen trabajo…como siempre…felicitaciones.
This isn’t a response but basically an add on thought to this peace. I recently started following this one counsler who is a woman lol. Not sure it helps anyone but you have to stop giving big love and relationship expectations to people you date/marry. Most people
want it to be unconditional like the love from a parent or child and vice versa. However it just isn’t and never will be. Men are mostly all or none personalities and this fits hand in hand with what we want from a partner who will love us unconditionally like a parent would love their child and vice versa. It’s just not the same and will Never be. People are opportunist especially women. The moment they see a better option you are toast. They will never love you the way you truly want to be loved. It’s just the nature of the situation. Once you understand this no matter who you are it makes this process make more sense. Not easier but easier to understand and get on with your life. Relationships are about respect and boundaries and that is the hardest thing to maneuver and find.
Nothing but facts.
Another great article Truth Seeker.
One of your best articles mate. It’s brutally honest but also has a vibe of positivity too it too. Glad to see you back.
Thanks so much. Greetings from Uruguay
Do you believe hypergamy applies the same way it used to in a world full of women in the workplace making equal pay in addition to things like OnlyFans?
Yes. Hypergamy is hypergamy. The only difference is the degree. The fact that women have easy means to make lots of money does not change their hypergamous nature.
Women don’t think: “Oh. I am making lots of money by taking nude pictures of myself. I can marry someone who makes a lot less money because I am loaded already.”
They always want a man that’s more than them.
That is why i am a man Who dates men.
What are your opinions on paying for intimacy with a professional woman in place of dating? Hypothetically it would work for a guy because the emotional baggage wouldn’t be there and you’d be getting an almost nothing is off limits experience. The downside is a risk of STDs but it seems the risk of getting those with ‘normal’ women seems quite high anyway.
Life sucks and I hate women, I hate them all. I don’t think I will ever be able to love on of them again, I’m sick of this bullshit.
It won’t help you at all, I know cause I’ve done it.