Dedicated to the guy who sent me 29 messages entitled “How much do you squat, moron?” I was sitting at my desk, eating acne inducing food when suddenly something in me broke, and I gave up all resistance. “This is it. I am going to the gym. I want to get big.” “This is it. […]
On my way to the bus station I passed by a toilet shop with a huge window and did what many victims of the lifting game do – I started scanning my reflection for abnormal muscle development. I had to keep the scan short because people working in the store started looking at me as […]
On my way to the gym today, I decided to double fuck the industry and bought a large beer can to drink from during my sinful yet epic leg press session. Normally, I prefer pirate rum, but it’s expensive and comes in large bottles. Besides, I didn’t want to get kicked out of the gym […]
I was in the metro. A man with neanderthal facial features who appeared to be a recovering bulking victim was next to me. His face was buried in a 7-inch smartphone. I don’t know what he was reading, but it appeared to be terribly important because the guy was in a deep trance. In front […]
I went to the gym before most people finish slavery, excuse me, work. The barbell den was empty but not for long. At six o’clock a horde of tank top samurais entered the premises. One of them was a metrosexual captain upper body – shaved, big arms, skinny legs, hysterical tattoos, a funny haircut. He […]
A long time ago I watched an episode of the TV series The Mentalist. There was a short dialogue between an FBI agent and a potential witness of a crime that got my attention. Here it is: Agent Kimball Cho, FBI: I understand you were working security here last night. You mind answering a few […]
The number of crazy things that I have seen in this muscle game can cause serious brain damage and lower your IQ really fast. If there was therapy for that, I would probably pay to get it off my chest. Luckily, I can get away with it for free by just sharing some of this […]
This is an interview with a part of me that wanted to get bigger muscles. The interviewer is another part of me that works as a part-time shrink. Why do you want big muscles? Don’t know. I mean I know, but these days don’t know is a synonym for I don’t want to tell you, […]
Films have the power to alter people’s perception of reality. Many of the values and beliefs that we have accepted for granted are a direct result of strong propaganda originating from the entertainment industry. I often catch myself using phrases from popular sitcoms. Sometimes I do that even when I am alone and talking to […]
The gym is a peculiar place where people from all walks of life gather. Over the years I have seen a wide variety of specimens in the weight room – professional bodybuilders, recreational steroid users, fat powerlifters, biceps brahs, celebrities, lawyers, drug dealers, whores, semi-whores, soon to be whores, whales, bears….etc. The list is very long, […]
I was waiting in line to buy a bus ticket. After 15 minutes, it was finally my turn but out of nowhere a short fat man in his 40s wearing a funny cap designed to hide his lack of hair decided to step in front me. My mind immediately started searching for the right solution to this obvious injustice: […]
Today, I went to a popular mall to buy me some weights for my minimalistic home gym consisting primarily of two adjustable dumbbells. The place was, of course, full of people walking around intoxicated by the type of fake hope only stores can provide. One of my instant observations was that the concentration of muscular dudes was […]