I have approached more women than most men I know. Probably more than you too. The process was rather painful but also revealing. I learned a lot about the dynamics between men and women and, of course, about the world too as I always try to relate everything to the main mechanism.
My motivation was simple and straightforward – I wanted to find a girlfriend. I was tired of relying on online channels where men are disposable losers constantly treated as lesser than women. I wanted to change the battlefield and pressed log out.
The streets turned out to be very cold. Unsurprisingly, strangers do not like to be approached by strangers. People just want to follow their daily trajectories. When you insert yourself on their path without bringing a massive transactional value, the treatment that you receive is sub-zero.
I was on the verge of giving up. I had approached over 100 women without anything to show for it. Most of the reactions that I received showcased deep annoyance and lack of desire to communicate. In other words, my mission was headed towards an iceberg. This is when I met her.
One evening, tired from walking around the city, I decided to end the session and headed for the nearest bus station. On the bench, there was a girl that I liked. I sat next to her. As expected, she was looking at her phone and had trance written on her face.
I wanted to say something but didn’t know what exactly. The first thing the came to my mind was: “Are you addicted to your phone?” I scratched that thought and just stood there. A few minutes later, she put her smartphone in her bag.
This is when I dropped the line – “You look lost in your thoughts…”
[I know that this story is waking up many pick-up axioms within your brain but before unleashing wrath upon me wait for the finish.]
She looked at me and didn’t say anything for a second. I was like: “This is it. Another loss.” Then, suddenly, she smiled and asked: “Do I look lost in my thoughts to you?” with an intonation implying that our conversation should continue.
We talked a bit and got on the same bus. I asked for her contact info, and she gave it to me. That evening I felt like a kid again. She seemed way nicer than any of the women I had talked to online. “My hard work is finally paying off,” I said to myself with a heart full of joy.
The conversation with her was a breeze to maintain. Everything was natural, and I didn’t have to deploy any special tactics. There was no need for that. All my words were “working”.
We met the next day. It was the best date I have ever had. Being myself around this woman felt easier than talking to a friend. I didn’t even feel tested, although I was. I just didn’t let myself see at the time as it was too subtle.
I guess you expect me to finish by saying that we are getting married on New Year’s Eve, but there’s no happy end.
Two days after the date, I asked her out again. Her response: “TruthSeeker, I am not looking for a relationship right now. I don’t think I was even flirting with you anyway. I treated you the same way I treat everybody else.”
In order to refine my strategy and potentially find more success, I analyzed the experience.
Why did this approach work when a hundred others had failed?
What did I do differently?
Nothing except calibrating my opener a little bit. I opened with “you look lost in your thoughts” because she appeared that way.
Did I finally come from the right angle?
Haha. There isn’t a right angle.
Was I dressed “properly”?
I was wearing a red&black lumberjack shirt with short sleeves, light blue jeans and black boots. I also had a black backpack on my back. There was nothing extraordinary about my clothes. I was dressed similarly throughout the other approaches.
Maybe I finally said the right things?
What are those? I didn’t fall back on any pick-up voodoo that is supposed to give you girls.
Maybe I finally found the type I should go for during my approaches?
As I told you, I’d approached 100+ girls before her. The number is so high that it is hard for them to be the same type.
So, what did I do differently?
Nothing. She simply liked me, acted on her impulse and was available. ..for a day.
I continued to approach. Every time I had some sort of success, the same conclusions held true again. The positive reactions weren’t catalyzed by a mysterious line or a “relevant” haircut.
On a good day, everything was working. Even when my lines were subpar, the receptive women were still reacting positively. Conversely, in poor and tense situations even the greatest lines didn’t save me. On many occasions, I came up with responses that surprised even me with their humor, strength and manliness, but if she was having none of it, the access was denied no matter what.
If I have to describe the process with one word, it would be – gambling.
All the tailoring applied to my lines and peripherals such as clothes was as effective as dancing before pulling the lever of a slot machine. I had close to zero control on the outcome of an approach.
The frustration was real, but everything made perfect sense. The variables that I was adjusting were incapable of significantly affecting the end result. I was no different than a natural bodybuilder trying to get big by changing whey brands.
I approached an incredibly high number of women before coming to very important realizations.
Here they are.
The Filtering Effect
The pick-up scholars may lead you towards the belief that there is a single form that works in every situation, and that you should try to sculpt yourself accordingly. This is not true.
One quality attracts one type of women while pushing away others. Let’s say that you dress extremely well – a suit, expensive dress shoes, nice accessories. Some women will find that attractive. “He is so stylish.” Others will think that you are an overcompensating and insecure loser.
You can’t please them all so you might as well stop trying. There isn’t a key that works every single time.
The same applies to muscles – some women like roided bodybuilders; others don’t.
That’s the filtering effect for you. Once you understand it, catering to women becomes kinda pointless.
The pick-up community has an incentive to deny this truth, but it is a rule set in stone. They want you to think that you can become a man who appeals to every woman, but that mission is futile.
Looks and Availability Are The Most Crucial Factors For Your Success
The more attractive you are, the more girls want you. Simple, right? You can’t create that attraction through words because it’s biological. No amount of jokes or psychological warfare will turn a fat woman into a hot one. The sample applies to men.
She needs 1 second or less to know whether you do it for her on a physical level. Your opener and the following dialogue are initiating and finalizing the deal, but they are not the engine. You can amuse a woman with your “game”, but you cannot make her say yes if she hadn’t already done so on a subconscious level.
Tall, rich and handsome men have the best “game” in the eyes of women. Identical actions and words can have a very different interpretation. An attractive man approaching is proactive and brave. His opposite is creepy or weird at best.
The other most important factor is availability.
Many of the women that you are about to approach are already taken or simply not in the mood. Maybe she just got fired? Maybe she has important exams? You can’t know…
Therefore, even if you surpass her threshold of attractiveness, she may still reject you due to a situation that cannot include your persona regardless of your actions.
Does she have the courage to receive your approach?
Approaching a woman is damn hard, which is one of the reasons why most men don’t do it. When you add the high rejection rate, the stimulus disappears completely. Few comprehend, however, that the other side has a tough road ahead too.
Accepting an approach is difficult for the average woman. It takes a certain amount of courage to do it. Most women do not have it. The extent of this problem depends on how attractive you are and how available they are. The more they like you, the easier it is for them to overcome their anxiety.
Ultimately, female apathy due to fear of action is another hard obstacle in a man’s journey on the dating battlefield.
How Many of Those Variables Can You Affect?
Most of the strategical points on which men focus don’t have the capacity to change any of the aforementioned factors. Openers and jokes make for a fun convo but change close to nothing because they do not affect the main variables.
Losing weight if you are fat will do far more for your approach success than any pick-up line because it will affect the main pillars in a positive direction.
However, sooner or later, you will max out your capabilities to produce major change. This is when you start playing the slot machines.
Confusing Improvement With Chance
Things are not working great. You decide to change your opener. You get 3 numbers in a day. You immediately attribute this success to the modification you have introduced. The next day you use the same opener with no results.
This is the cyclic gambling effect. Your improvement was the result of chance, but you explain it with a new tactic.
If you do this long enough, you will realize that many of the values that you play with lead to the same results on average if the total number of approaches is high enough.
Lifting as a Way To Fix Every Problem In a Man’s Life
Many social groups wrongfully depict muscle construction as a panacea. If you have a problem as a male, you are advised to hit the weights. Sometimes I wonder whether people know what happens in the gym. Do they really think that it is a factory for ultra-attractive masculine males?
Lifting makes you more attractive, confident and healthier when done in moderation, but sooner or later, you arrive at the moment when no amount of extra pounds on your squat can have a meaningful impact on your life. I am at that moment and so are many others. I have never been rejected by a woman because I don’t have a shredded set of six pack abs or enormous arms. The culprit has always been elsewhere.
Why do they want you to think that the gym is the cure?
Acknowledging the existence of uncontrollable factors causes pain. Talking about any form of determinism goes against the politically correct mindset that we are supposed to adopt. More importantly, reality does not sell products.
When you know the principles above buying a dictionary with the best pick-up lines can only be done as a form of entertainment. They want you to think that you are in control. The more motivated you are, the more coins you spend on solutions. Just like a supplement store wants you to buy as many powders as possible, the dating coaches benefit from building up your motivation. Delusional customers are good for business. Telling you that you are too short to get the hottest girl is almost criminal whereas filling your head with nonsense game advice is considered progressive.
Defend Your Ground
I wish I could finish with a formula that will fix everything, but there isn’t one. The modern context is rigged against men more than ever and will remain so for a long time.
Don’t expect anyone to come to your face and say – “I am sorry.”
Do you really think that the women who rejected me directly or indirectly feel bad about doing so? They are indifferent. If they cared, they wouldn’t have done it. I am absolutely nothing to them – just another man fighting for his spot. They do not consider me brave either. Even if they did, they would never admit it.
They have zero respect for me and couldn’t care less about the time and effort I wasted on them. All the obstructions that I had to go through are invisible. I bet they are all self-rationalizing everything in their favor – “He was such a creep.”
Don’t expect honesty or compassion, for you will get neither. Cut your losses and stop searching for female validation, for you will not receive it.
Protect your ground, for nobody else will.
P.S. You can discuss this post in the comment section below or on the forum.
normally I’d say
“based and red pilled”
but this is pretty black pilled
Black pill is strangely enlightening and liberating yet so bitter.
Status is very, very important especially as you get older. Choose a field and make sure you’re a mover and a shaker within it – you’ll be amazed at how the pussy fawns all over you.
Can you give an example?
Go to IG and look up JScott Campbell – comic artist who drew Dangergirl in the 90s He just married a hot 25 year old. I mean these are comics dude the nerd territory lol … Or other middle aged guys high up in the arts at Disney. Talk about perks lol
If you think marrying a 25 year old hot girl is a great life choice or some red pill achievement when you are at the top of your career, then my friend, you haven’t really understood the situation here. This kind of deal is actually what brings an end to great careers of succesful men. I checked the girl out. She is obviously one of those young feminist/female power mongering SJWs. The guy is in for one hell of a ride I am telling you. Maybe he will have great sex for like 6 months / a year, but then what? Divorce will be a huge hassle. She will suck him dry.
If fucking a 25 year old hottie is what you want, there are a million ways to do it. Marriage should not even be on the menu.
Love it. Thank you!
You are correct however there’s two sides to the coin.
“I wish I could finish with a formula that will fix everything, but there isn’t one. The modern context is rigged against men more than ever and will remain so for a long time. ”
There is a formula. It’s LSMG.
Looks, Status, Money, Game.
Increase those variables to increase your attractiveness. Sure girls have to be available, but it’s like increasing your odds.
I don’t care about girls in general since they are all bisexual or gay.
Seeking validation (aka fame when sex not involved) from other people puts you at their mercy and is a formula for long term unhappiness. If all you want is to have sex with beautiful young women who will do whatever you want in bed, and to hell with validation of your own sexual attractiveness, then all you need is money and a ticket to somewhere outside the USA police state where trading sex for money is either legal or tolerated.
I went through a similar process. I’ve always been told I’m handsome (not by my mother, she called me ugly). Women always said I was handsome, have a fit body, etc. I didn’t get it, why weren’t women flocking to me? I wanted to know. In my early 20’s, I went crazy trying to find out. I went to bars and clubs and hit on as many women as I could. I tried different things, wore different clothes. I even asked out waitresses and hostesses. This period in my life was rather unsuccessful. I was too damn honest and too damn nice. It came across as inexperienced and needy.
I resorted to escorts and strippers to satiate my carnal desires. I took advantage of this opportunity to pick their brains. It must have been awkward for a guy to want conversation as much as I did (maybe not), but most were very willing to open up. I asked what they liked, what they were into, what kinds of guys attracted them. These were some of the hottest women I’ve ever known revealing their secrets to me and then having sex with me. It was fucking great.
I even made several profiles on tinder and used pictures of other men that were attractive. I used both muscular and rather feminine-but-still-manly men (single photo profiles) and one profile with my pictures, though not very good ones. The attractive fake google photos of men got massive traffic. I got really ugly women with hearts of gold. Even with only one photo and a one-line bio, women were liking the attractive men over me. I changed my own profile, reduced the bio, changed my pictures to less loser pictures (different environments aimed at displaying a normal man living life). I added filters and changed the lighting to make myself more like a model. If women can do it, why can’t men? I’m already at a disadvantage not having make-up (lest I look queer). I added in reverse psychology “Not looking for a hookup” (worked sometimes, but some women are indeed looking for a hookup so those doors shut). Hell, It worked. I got a lot more traffic and even hooked up women. In reality, most women lie about their true looks. They take angled shots, wear heavy make-up, wigs, change lighting, filters, etc. I realized that pretty, perfect women have been an illusion fed to me by media since I was young. The reality is, a smoking hot woman can have a stank ass pussy and poor attitude while a chubbier woman seemingly unattractive can be bomb in bed, give great head, and be grateful for the pounding you gave her at the end of the day. There is no linear scale. It really changed my perspective on women and now find more women beautiful and “hot” women sometimes are pretty disgusting to me now.
I learned a lot. It was very painful being rejected, it never got easier until I stopped giving a fuck. A man’s shield is his confidence. If a woman rejects you, she’s testing you. If this woman can knock you down, how are you going to defend her from another man trying to steal her away? How can she rely on you when her grandma dies and she needs a shoulder to cry on? Women are more instinctive. That’s their shield. One of the biggest takeaways I got was “the look”. A woman has a certain glance she’ll shoot you if she’s interested. Trust me, every single woman has this. Every single one. It’s the look that cues you in to make a move. However, the next step, the move you make, is absolutely critical. The look implies interest. Your move validates it. The wrong move screams “I’m an inexperienced loser”. The move isn’t always “Hi, I’m Average Joe.” That’s so basic. A simple starter is regarding her looks. No, not “you’re so beautiful” or “you have nice legs”. Read between the lines. “You’re so beautiful” screams “I’m superficial and attracted to you physically only because obviously I know nothing about you”. Something like “Those earrings are amazing”. A very neutral compliment that emphasizes something she wants noticed. The downside to this approach is how quickly it dead-ends and has to be specific (can’t use amazing earrings on a woman with simple earrings, she’ll know you’re gaming her). A better example would be (with a semi detached posture, like you don’t give a shit because you don’t), “Do you like Metallica?”. This screams “I think you’re attractive enough to ask, I’m into this kind of music, I want to know about YOU”. Of course, you can’t just ask any girl. This would be an example of a girl that maybe has pitch black hair and wears jeans and a t-shirt. Use statements, not just questions, and statements that open the conversation! You don’t want to hit dead-ends. Metallica is such a deep topic because it ties in music, a time period, change, emotions, etc. “You have nice earrings” doesn’t go anywhere. Read the woman, the situation, hell, cheat if you have to. I went out with a girl once and we were at her apartment. While she was distracted, I saw she had a Pink Floyd cover on her kitchen counter. If a girl has something that specific on her counter, she’s either really into them or there’s a story there. I googled pink floyd songs (Because I never go into a conversation unprepared. I’m not really into them, though I do like their songs). I weaved pink floyd into our conversation and her eyes BEAMED. She was so happy that I even knew who they were. She tested me, asked me what my favorite song was. Good thing I googled ahead of time! Needless to say, I got laid that night. I could have pursued that as a relationship if I wanted to. That’s where you want to be, in a place with options.
No two women are the same. Therefore, no two women can be approached the same way. However, there are only a few major categories into which MOST (if not all) women fall into. Once you learn these, you simply refine to the individual. A woman thinks she’s unique (like most people do). You make her feel unique but the truth is, you already know what she’s like. How? Because she’s just part of a category. You already know the answers. “Every battle is won before it’s ever fought”. – Sun Tzu
“That’s evil! You’re lying and manipulating!”
What’s evil for one is still within the bounds of good for another. I set my bounds a long time ago. I don’t abuse children, I don’t hit women, I don’t steal, etc. But I’m not going to spend years of my life waiting for the perfect girl (which will never arrive) by sitting back and waiting. I’ll do what I need to because that’s what winners do.
Yes. All those apps are based on looks. You are overrating women, however. You are trying to turn their superficiality into some excusable and deeper primal instinct, but it isn’t. It’s just that – superficiality.
There are qualities in a man that are way more important than being a fake alpha or having a square jaw. Yet those are overlooked because women have been brainwashed by society.
If you let a kid pick its dinner, it will choose sweets. Does this mean that this is the best choice? Women often transform into children when left unchecked.
And if a woman rejects you, she rejects you. She is not testing you. This shows the typical PUA mentality – everything is a shit test. No, it isn’t. Sometimes no means no because she doesn’t like you and nothing more. She does not want you to “hold frame” and continue the pursuit.
That’s why you don’t approach a women that doesn’t send out IOI’s or eyefucks you.
“Approaching a woman is damn hard, which is one of the reasons why most men don’t do it.” And than It will not be hard anymore, because you know that she is interested in you. Doesn’t work for ugly losers who don’t get IOI’s, but approaching them without signs will not help you either