The functional training community is not nearly as innocent as many of you think. It has contributed greatly to the enormous amount of delusional beliefs found in the muscle building sector.

Below I have listed a few major unrealistic ideas supported by the so-called functional training camp which includes the following branches:

image source: http://starcraft.wikia.com; 5×5 zealots are hard to deal with

• • 5×5 zealots

  • kettlebell comrades

  • bodyweight sectarians

  • barbell fanatics

  • squat slaves

  • look at me CrossFit village whores

1.You shouldn’t do high reps because you can gain unneeded and nonfunctional “bodybuilding” muscle.

In many books, gurus like Pavel Tsatsouline brag about how sets of five with heavy weights make you strong without adding unnecessary bulk that only moronic bodybuilders may want. Really? Let me show you the major flaw of this theory.

First, there is no such thing as “unneeded bulk”. When you are natural every extra gram of muscle makes you stronger and more athletic. It is literally impossible to get big to the point where your muscles are a problem. It just can’t happen. That’s a fact of life. Sorry.

If you think that you are suddenly going to become a monster after engaging in high rep training, you are up for a big surprise. You will never develop “nonfunctional muscle mass” that “slows you down” as a natty. Forget about it.

2.Bodybuilders are big because they eat a lot.

Oh, brother! Just stop!

Many natural warriors have been convinced by the functional training community consisting primarily of eggheads that getting big is all about eating “enough” food.

Do you really think that the extra calories will result in extraterrestrial growth? Do you really think that your arms are not 19 inches of muscle because you are not eating enough protein? Do you really believe that by eating pizza with olive oil on it you will break the natty limits?

After a certain threshold, all extra calories simply make you fat.

3. CrossFit Builds Muscle.

Sure, buddy.

CrossFit ain’t making you big as a natural either. Tons of CrossFitters are pinning their glutes hardcore style. Do you really think that CrossFit is a revolutionary training method that will somehow overcome all natural limitations and make you a huge shredded monster? You really think that you can become 200lbs of lean muscle thanks to kipping pull-ups and kettlebell swings? Well, it’s not going to work, but you can’t see it because you are too focused on the smoke and the mirrors.

The most annoying thing about the functional bodybuilding community is how its members always try to make themselves look superior to the “losers” who are in this muscle game only for the looks. Well, here’s a “secret” for you – everybody starts lifting weights in an attempt to improve his or hers body composition. You don’t simply go to the gym and try to be “functional”.

The functional bozos ain’t innocent. Period.