I am about to tell you a secret.

Most of our attempts to change fail for one of the following reasons:

1/We want the impossible.

2/Destiny says no.

3/ We can’t detach from the state that we want to change. 

The first point is easy to overcome – just focus on gradual steps. If you want to be a bodybuilder, don’t think of becoming Arnold – just add an inch to your arms in let’s say 6 months.

The second one takes care of itself. You can’t outrun your destiny any more than you can outrun your shadow. As wiser men have said – you don’t choose your destiny; your destiny chooses you.

The third one is where I will focus as it’s the element that we seemingly control.

Why Is Detachment So Hard?

You don’t need a 300 IQ to realize that the more you do something, the deeper it gets within your bones.

When you introduce a new variable into your life, the forces protecting the homeostasis that you have built previously activate tenfold as a defense mechanism. That’s 100% natural and part of our self-preservation instinct.

But here’s the deal – to introduce a MASSIVE (not small) change in your life, the old you has to die.

And that death is extremely painful, uncomfortable, and scary. And you won’t be the only one trying to preserve the old you. Those around you will try to resuscitate it too. That’s also part of the defense mechanism.

So, how do you kill something that wants to live so badly?

You don’t do it directly.

You simply create an alter ego (no I am not crazy…yet).

Then, the alter ego plays the role of a hitman.

The ALTER EGO Method

I am not a genius. Just a hardheaded hater. But I did come up with this myself without external help (smile). Later, I learned that there are many movements around this idea. I am not a part of them.

Here’s the deal.

We’ve conditioned ourselves to play a certain role for so long that we no longer know how to quit. But the reality is that every one of us could play another role too. It won’t be extremely far away from the current one, but it can be more fulfilling or at least more interesting and enriching.

You just have to quit the old movie and hire yourself to play in a different one. This is the only way to detach/dissociate yourself and move on.

And one of the ways to do that is to create an ALTER EGO.

Ironically, I came up with this idea during my struggle with bad posture. I’ve written a lot about the topic. IMO poor posture is 99% the result of inherent low self-esteem and habits.

So, one day I created an alter ego called Riki (those who’ve read my book Tren will probably laugh).

I decided that one of Riki’s qualities will be consistent maintenance of a decent posture (especially when walking outside).

“Would Riki walk like that,” I’d say to myself every time I’d catch myself slouching.

I know this may sound a bit “mental”, but it is very effective and one of the FASTEST ways to decondition yourself from living your old role.

It’s also EXTREMELY effective when it comes to overcoming external scrutiny.

The people around you (from your family to the local janitor) are used to seeing you a certain way.

Your brain has conditioned itself to satisfy and maintain the idea that they have of you even when they don’t know you personally.

And that image will have to be deactivated too if you want to change FOR REAL.

For instance, if they are used to seeing you dress like a slob, and then you upgrade your clothing style, their mind will react a little something like this “Look at this try hard…we remember the days when…” They will feel curious but also threatened. Let them be.

But your alter ego wouldn’t care as it doesn’t know another way to dress.

Changing Your State vs. Just Actions

One of the main reasons why change doesn’t stick is that we focus mainly on actions rather than a stage shift.

A super common example would be losing weight. A fat guy goes on a diet, loses weight, and then returns. Why? The diet cuts the weight, but unless you become a new person inherently, you are more likely to go back to your previous self.

Whereas if you create a new “role” and change your entire lifestyle, the diet becomes only a small part of it all, and you are more likely to stick with it.

Ultimately, long-term change doesn’t happen in a vacuum and affects your entire being. Hence why it makes sense to change the operating system from the get-go.

You Can’t Be Anyone You Want To Be, But You Can Be Someone Else…

If I tell you that you can be anyone you want to be, I’d be lying to you. It’s not possible. But you can wear different clothing metaphorically speaking this time.

The only thing stopping you is a lack of experimentation and extremely long conditioning in a partially self-created theater (let’s be real – a lot of our life is simply destiny).

By definition, your alter ego cannot be vastly different from your core. Otherwise, it’s not an alter ego – it’s a delusion of the highest order.

The alter ego is simply a new chapter in the same book.

Many recommend creating different alter egos for different situations, but I honestly, don’t think people can handle more than one. I cannot and don’t want to.

Creating Triggers

To make this work, it’s helpful to create what I’d call a uniform.

For example, your alter ego might be someone wearing sunglasses. And when you put your sunglasses on, you remind yourself that it’s time to shift out of the old and into the “new”. Thus, glasses are part of your “uniform”.

Changes like that are, of course, superficial. With or without glasses, you are the same person.

But the point is that they serve as triggers leading to repeating actions (habits) which later lead to a new (hopefully) more fulfilling life.

Many years ago, I watched a movie with Edward Norton. He played a magician and in an interview, he said that just putting the clothes on made it feel “real”.

Obviously, wearing the uniform of a firefighter doesn’t make you one, but as already mentioned – you are not trying to be someone you cannot be.

You’re trying to become someone that you are stopping yourself from being due to attachment to the old destructive persona.