Men are often fed the following lies/clichés upon displaying frustration in the dating world:
“Just be yourself.”
“Be a gentleman”
“Buy her flowers”
“Listen to her.”
Despite this “profound advice”, Mr. Nice Guy fails a million times. He experiences ghosting, insults, disrespect, money losses…etc. His entire dating experience is a massive net negative.
Naturally, Mr. Nice guy jumps to another popular philosophy – women like bad boys.
It’s a natural conclusion. If plan A doesn’t work at all, then the opposite of plan A could be effective.
Mr. Nice Guy successfully starts to identify couples in which the woman is tolerating a bad boy. With time, the evidence becomes impossible to ignore – bad boys have no problem getting women; nice guys lose.
But when Mr. Nice guy discusses this philosophy with other people, everyone immediately tries to dilute this principle with some of the following statements:
- Women like bad boys because those men are confident and masculine.
- Only damaged women who’ve suffered trauma like bad boys. A stable, cute, angelic girl would never go for a bad boy.
I strongly believe (or should I say I know) that women like bad boys for their MEAN qualities and the emotions that those mean qualities trigger.
By extracting the potentially good qualities that bad boys could have and saying that those are the actual magnets, women regain their innocence and men get a logical answer.
Here’s how things REALLY work:
The two fundamental aspects of attraction are:
If you have lots of those, you can be anyone you want to be. Nice, bad, semi-nice…etc. It doesn’t matter. You will always gather attention because biological attraction is first and foremost based on your height and your face.
Naturally, most men aren’t 10/10. By definition, аttractive people are a tiny minority (e.g., less than 10% of the male population is over 6’2″).
Since most men do not satisfy the criteria of the open dating market, we have to jump through more fires.
We have to generate certain types of emotions within the woman so that we can be “accepted”.
Being nice does not generate those.
Being nice is the equivalent of plain food – even if it is nutritious, people don’t eat a lot of it.
Meanwhile, bad boys are junk food – it’s bad for you but feels nice.
If two identical twins who are average-looking start dating simultaneously and one of them is nice while the other one is bad, I’m putting my money on the bad guy for generating a greater degree of attraction.
All of this can be expressed in simple formulas:
A 6/10 guy + bad boy mannerism > A 6/10 guy + niceness.
I would even go a step further:
A 6/10 guy + bad boy mannerism – confidence > A 6/10 guy + niceness + confidence
This is serious.
You can be a confident nice guy or a non-confident bad boy. Most women would still go for the bad boy because he is bad.
Do you really think that all the bad boys are mega masculine and confident?
Do you really think that all nice guys are some pussies who can’t deadlift 135lbs or throw a punch?
So, why are women attracted to the bad in bad boys?
It’s simple even though people want to make it complex:
The bad boy is selfish and breaks the woman’s self-esteem.
E.g., She is dressed perfectly. Nice dress. Perfect colors…mega hot. The bad boy, however, comes to the date late. Never compliments her. Doesn’t pay for her stuff. Doesn’t listen to her…etc.
In other words, the bad boy is signaling that he isn’t valuing her as much as other guys do. As a result, the woman concludes subconsciously that the bad boy is actually more than her even if he isn’t.
And this is what women want ultimately. A man who is above them physically and in all other aspects.
Bad boy mannerism creates that feeling by destroying the woman’s self-esteem.
Only then, women feel “not bored”. A nice guy, on the other hand, signals that he is less than her because he is overvaluing her. He may actually be more attractive than her, richer and more educated, and yet she wouldn’t care.
It’s a tragic comedy when you think about it.
Bad boys instantly make the woman next to them look GOOD.
A nice guy who is doing everything that women allegedly like would make the woman appear “evil” when she inevitably tries to perform her tactics.
If the guy is nice, it’s only natural to expect the woman to show some appreciation for his kindness. But since she isn’t attracted to him maximally, she either doesn’t or does so unenthusiastically.
If the guy is bad, the contrast between him and her makes the woman a victim. By becoming the victim, the woman diminishes the tension on her to perform well. In a sense, she is adding a villain in her life with whom she explains her failures or inactions. (e.g., I would enroll in college but Mr. Bad Boy needs this and that.)
The other statement (bad boys attract only damaged women) is equally wrong.
Here are some hard facts:
- Bad boys attract all women – good and bad, damaged and undamaged.
- Good luck finding a woman that isn’t somewhat damaged.
Yes, there is a miniscule group of women that don’t have an interest in the bad boy stuff, but it all works on the vast majority of females.
As a man, your best strategy is to maximize your appeal to the majority than to look for the exceptions.
But Bad Boys Are Real Men
Many naïve souls spread the idea that bad boys are attractive because “insert 50 qualities of a warrior” here.
Sure, some bad boys are indeed manly, strong…etc.
But I can’t ignore what I’ve seen. I really can’t. I would take my observations and experience over the politically correct drivel of random people.
I’ve talked to a woman that was writing the PhD of her boyfriend who was a dedicated alcoholic with two suicide attempts.
I knew a woman with a 9/10 face engaged to a skinny little bastard in the same league as Christian Bale in the Machinist. His Instagram indicated strong mental illness too (e.g., lying in the middle of the road to see if the cars will stop.)
I wish this wasn’t true but it is.
I can assure you that those two men are not “alpha”, “masculine”…etc. They are simply bad. I would even say pathetic.
The reality is this: women are attracted to bad boys for the bad in them, not for the peripheral qualities that may accompany the badness.
Of course, there are bad bad boys and good bad boys, but that’s a topic for another day.
The reason why people make bad boys better than they are is to make sense of it all and return women their innocence (i.e. she likes him because he is manly, not because he is bad.)
Ironically, you can be a nice guy and very manly simultaneously. Those men are either in the best relationship possible (rare these days) or completely alone their entire lives (common these days.)
Rewards Don’t Lie
If women were actually rewarding gentlemanly behavior, more men would be gentlemen. Men always shapeshift to satisfy the image that women want.
But the fact is that women DO NOT reward good boy/nice guy/honest/gentleman behavior unless the specimen in question is part of the 5%.
The same woman who rejects the nice guy bringing her flowers would suffer from insomnia when Mr. Bad Boy is ignoring her.
If you’re attractive anything works, but even then being bad amplifies attraction even more.
If you’re average and nice, you will have a very hard time dating unless you get lucky and find some angel. You have a higher chance to win the lottery.
Women like bad boys for their mean qualities, but a sane brain can’t find the logic behind this principle and shortcuts it with incorrect conclusions. (e.g., He is manly…etc.)
You can be a bad boy without being masculine. You could be a nice guy that’s ultra-manly too.