After the last post, I received a lot of questions in regard to the so-called “bad boys” and decided to make another post containing some clarifications.
What is a bad boy?
The term “bad boy” could be misleading. Some people may conclude that a bad boy is a boy doing bad things (i.e. a criminal).
While it’s true that most criminals are indeed bad boys when it comes to dating the definition is different.
In the world of romance, a bad boy is a man who treats the woman as an equal or less than him (the usual case).
Meanwhile, the nice guy is someone who treats the woman as more than him.
A bad boy can, of course, be evil too, but that’s more of an additional characteristic rather than the main one.
Many people will say that the bad boy never treats the woman as an equal but always as someone less than him.
This is the case most of the time, but not all the time. Sometimes the so-called bad boy is actually treating the woman as an equal, but since we live in a world worshipping women, it feels as if he is degrading her.
Why are so many bad boys criminals?
They are not. It’s more like this – most criminals are bad boys (they put their interests first and are willing to break laws for achieving their goals), but not all bad boys are criminals.
A nice guy treating women like princesses can also be a hardcore criminal. Being nice or bad in one region of life doesn’t automatically make you the same in another.
Why do women like bad boys?
If you listen to the professors, they will give you some sort of evolutionary explanation.
Women like bad boys because bad boys are alpha and show that they can protect their spouse and her offspring.
Nice guys are fake and behave nicely simply to trick the woman into giving them what they want (sexual experiences most of the time.) The woman sees through that and filters the nice guys out.
I 100% disagree with all of the above and have experiences to prove it.
First, a bad boy does not protect the woman as he puts his interest first.
Many bad boys literally take money from their women. (A woman that I worked with took a loan to buy a car for her boyfriend.) How’s that for protection?
It’s also totally possible for a bad boy to drop the said woman for a new one in an instant.
In short, the so-called bad boys leave their women vulnerable.
My father is 100% the definition of a bad boy. As a kid, I often had to listen to my mother cry after yet another scandal. He would simply leave and do whatever he wanted. She didn’t get much protection from him if at all. Imagine your father gone for days, not picking up the phone. We had no idea where he was sleeping.
Below are additional “bad boy” acts that my father did:
- Bought a weight scale for mom’s birthday (my mother was extremely skinny at the time. I have no idea what he was thinking.) My grandmother (his mother) was furious too.
- If he didn’t want to go somewhere or do something, he simply didn’t.
- My mother gave him money to buy a car three times.
Second, most nice guys aren’t fake. If someone is faking being a nice guy, he is more of a bad boy who wants to calibrate himself a bit.
A true nice guy is that way by character. He doesn’t fake being honest. He simply is. He isn’t a gentleman because someone told him to, he simply is.
Also, many nice guys are more protective of their women and better providers in the long run.
A nice guy usually makes more money than a bad boy and invests it all in his woman/family.
So, what is the reason then?
Pick one or more of the following:
1. Women like bad boys because bad boys break their self-esteem. When someone breaks your self-esteem, one subconsciously concludes that the said person is better or at least wiser. (“Why doesn’t he like me?”). Thus, women see bad boys as a challenge.
2. People want what they cannot have. The nice guy is boring and before all easy. He doesn’t present a challenge. He is like a movie without drama. And women love drama.
3. Bad boys are hot.
Not all, but some bad boys are physically attractive. As a result, they attract a lot of women. Due to the abundance of women that they can easily get, the said bad boys develop a “who cares” mentality when it comes to females and treat each female unit as unimportant. (Women find that attractive.)
4. Bad boys are assertive.
Sometimes a woman is with a bad boy not because she is crazy about him, but because the rest of the available possibilities are too “quiet”.
Or in other words, some women date bad boys because the rest of the guys are too busy talking about Star Wars.
Are all women like that?
Not all women are with bad boys, evidently, but all women are indeed attracted to bad boys.
Some women, however, choose not to pursue bad boys for logical reasons (emotional roller coaster) and have different priorities (e.g., money, stable family).
Nonetheless, all women from ultra-hot models on Instagram to shy girls studying quietly in the library are attracted to bad boys and have a much smaller interest in nice guys.
Satisfaction Of Emotional Whims
The pursuit of the bad boy is one example of what I call “satisfaction of emotional whims”.
Since women are the ones doing the picking most of the time, they often try to satisfy their emotional whims. Society tailors to women and encourages this behavior.
However, emotional whims are fragile and often lack logic. As a result, women often end up making the wrong choice.
The process could be compared to eating junk food. People go into the store and often fill their baskets with 90% bad food simply because it’s tasty. The nice food, on the other hand, is often ignored because it’s too bleak and boring.
Some Guys Are Way Too Nice
The truth is that many of us are indeed too nice. I am naturally a nice guy. I never wanted to cheat or manipulate a woman. I’ve always been as straight up as possible.
I’d come to every date and attempt to make the best of it while 100% respecting the other person at my own expense.
Eventually, however, I saw that my niceness was never appreciated.
I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count.
I’ve been blocked after amazing dates.
I’ve been used for coffee, meals…etc.
I’ve been on dates with shy girls that later ended up stabbing me.
I’ve seen women from my past go for ultra-losers.
One day, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to go on one more date and be nice only to get insulted for no reason.
At that point, I made a profound analysis of my behavior and came to the conclusion that I am simply too nice for no good reason at all.
I flipped the switch and made the following realizations and principle formations:
If you don’t think about yourself no one will. Before doing anything for a woman ask yourself what YOU want and only then proceed. Put yourself first because no one else will.
The more you give people, the more they want from you, and the angrier they become when you don’t deliver. The less you give them, the more they appreciate it, and the less they want.
Always pre-plan the date the way you want it. Meet at a location that’s comfortable for YOU at an hour that works best for YOU. Do an activity that YOU like. If you don’t like bars, then don’t go to bars. If you don’t like long walks, don’t do long walks.
Don’t pay for dates. Yes, that’s right. Unless you’re already together, she’s covering her half of the bill.
No, it’s not about the money. It’s about respect. I’ve been in situations when I would cover everything. It was never much, but it was still money. I went on two dates with a woman and paid the bill. On the third date, I decided to cover only my part.
You had to see her face. This is when I knew, it was over. I blocked her seconds after saying Goodbye.
Маке the dates short. One of my biggest mistakes ever is allowing my dates to be too long. That’s bad for many reasons. First, you waste time. Second, you appear less mysterious since you’re opening up too much.
Feed her piece by piece. Never open up 100%. Be reserved.
In short, long dates = nice guy = she draining you. Short dates = bad boy = maintaining attraction for longer.
A flakey woman never changes. If she’s making it hard to meet, end it. A man that respects himself doesn’t deal with women who waste his time. If she doesn’t want to meet in the present, time will rarely change that.
Go on practice dates with women that you aren’t crazy about. The goal of a practice date is to train some of the aforementioned details. In my case, keeping the date short was very difficult. Hence why I started scheduling dates with women that I didn’t like all that much simply to train this “muscle”. Selfish but necessary.
Be forward. As I wrote in another article, I always go for a kiss. I don’t want my dates to look like a brother and a sister going to the mall. A nice guy always waits for the woman to initiate things. That doesn’t work.
Take the lead whenever possible. After the switch, I began to control more variables. Sometimes, I’d even write an itinerary and a script in my head and try to follow it as much as the situation allows me to. I was surprised at how often my scripts would work. That said, you should also be fairly flexible, not be confused with spineless.
Don’t be too funny. For some reason, it’s very easy for me to make a woman laugh. In the movies, they say that a sense of humor is a good thing. Well, it hasn’t been for me. I think that too many jokes send a signal that you’re too nice. I had to purposefully force myself to stop with the jokes.
It’s gonna hurt.
Adding bad boy traits to your nice guy soul is like trying to lose weight after being overweight for 20 years. It’s just hard.
Very often, your brain will push you into the old trajectory. You have to fight if you want to experience change. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just make sure that you’re making at least some progress.
FAQ: Can’t I just be myself?
“I just want a man who treats me nicely,” said Isabella and went on a date with the local drug dealer.
The above quote is a bit exaggerated, but it makes a good point. Women often say how they want to be treated nicely but ghost, flake and disrespect the men who provide that behavior.
That’s a fact.
Please, tell me this. Do you know an actual bad boy who’s a virgin? Seriously? Think of one guy from your high school, college, jobs…etc. who was a legit bad boy and never had a girl?
Maybe you will think of someone, but chances are the number won’t be high.
The reality of the situation is that nice guys don’t do well with women.
Sometimes a nice guy may find a soulmate and even marry her, but if he keeps getting softer as the marriage progresses, he won’t keep her (I know such as story, but this article is already filled with examples.)
People will tell you that “there’s someone for everyone”, but that’s a lie too.
Math often proves it. In many countries, there are more boys than girls at a fertile age.
Why? Because men are more likely to die and nature fixes this imbalance by boosting the number of males.
In my city, there are about 15% more men than women according to the statistics. Thus, there cannot be possibly someone for everyone.
Sure. Ideally, you will be yourself all the time and find the love of your life by doing your favorite hobby or going to college, but this isn’t in the cards for all of us.
There are people like me. People who didn’t get that fairy tale.
Ultimately, a man needs to make himself attractive to the largest number of women. Theoretically, you only need to find one person, but your chances of finding and keeping that individual increase exponentially when you’re capable of getting more.
A selfish man who doesn’t believe the lie that women are better than men simply because they’re women has a higher chance of finding a mate than a nice guy (think Forest Gump) who comes 20 minutes earlier for the date with the most expensive flowers on the market.
It may seem counterintuitive, but it is what it is. The more you sacrifice for her, the less she gives you back.
Thus, the answer to the question is this – you can be yourself as much as you want. It’s 100% your choice. In my case, that simply does not work.
Before going to the dark side, I knew with my heart that I can be a nice guy for 1000 years with no results to show.
Aren’t Looks Everything?
Under the last article, I was also asked about the importance of looks.
One’s appearance is essential to attraction. It’s arguably the most important aspect. We’re biologically wired to find certain features attractive or not.
If a man is extremely attractive, the less his behavior and status matter.
If one’s appearance doesn’t meet a woman’s criteria, then his behavior is unlikely to change much.
That being said, most men cannot rely simply on their looks. That would be my case.
I have no doubt that I’ve gotten most of my dates thanks to three elements:
- My appearance was satisfactory for the said woman.
- I created an opportunity (talked to the said woman)
- She was available
However, my looks are clearly not enough to carry me all the way since I’ve faced a lot of hard rejections and nasty attitude.
99 Is Still Not 100
Very few men pass the looks filter to rely solely on appearance. For better or worse, the only people who pass are legit 8-10/10 men.
Only 1 in 10,000 looks like that. Or in other words, in a town with 100, 000 population, you will find about 10 men who are true 8-10s in terms of looks.
That said, things are different in big cities and locations with a high concentration of young people (e.g., college campuses).
You can be a very attractive man (e.g., a strong 7/10), but your looks still won’t carry you all the way.
The 99 out of 100 rule is at play. It goes like this – if a test requires 100 points to pass, the person with 99 points still fails.
This is why many men who look just fine experience so much drama despite their looks. They have 99 points, but that one missing point makes all the difference.
Being carried by your looks alone doesn’t build your character, though. A man who receives all the women thanks to his face remains too soft.
It’s also worth mentioning that an attractive man could also greatly benefit from behavioral calibrations. For example, a 9/10 guy will easily get women, but they can still walk all over him in the long run if he doesn’t have a strong foundation.
Meanwhile, a legit 5/10 bad boy, could end up being more successful than a 7/10 guy thanks to his selfish/alpha/whatever-it-is behavior.
I would be a liar if I told you that I’ve never seen unattractive/average men with decent women.
I have seen this picture many times. How does this happen if looks are crucial?
The possible explanations are:
- Money/status (self-explanatory)
- Effective behavior
A 5/10 guy isn’t mega attractive, but he isn’t ugly either. With the right behavior and lifestyle he may end up attracting more women than a 7/10 guy who behaves like an ultra-nice guy and spends most of his time leveling up his WoW and Diablo characters.
In this case, the woman isn’t with the 5/10 because she finds him physically more attractive than the 7/10. However, the 5/10 has masculine behavior and lifestyle while the other male is like a boy that has grown without a father.
The ultimate chick magnets are guys who have everything – looks + money + manly/bad boy behavior.
That being said, out of all three, looks are the strongest lever because they trigger biological strings.
Bad Boy Shouldn’t Equal An Abuser/Wife Beater
The core properties that make bad boys attractive are:
- Self-focus (alludes to high self-esteem)
- No fear of losing the woman (makes them stand out in the sea of beta boys donating their salaries to random women online)
- Masculine behavior (stoic, calculated…etc.)
Sadly, some bad boys often have extreme tendencies such as:
- Non-stop cheating
- Emotionally and physically unavailable
- Emotional abuse
- Physical abuse
Those behavioral traits are not the main engine. For example, very few men start beating their wives right away. It usually happens when the relationship is already established, and the so-called bad boy transitions into an even darker area.
Those type of qualities should not be emulated because they are evil and unnecessary. If a man is willing to pass this threshold, he is simply too vicious.
That being said, I would be a liar if I told you that I don’t know women who stay with such abusers even though they can leave.
And no, I am not talking about a woman who has no education or skills to live on her own. For example, I know an established female painter in my town who’s been with an abuser for years. The neighbors are constantly complaining of scandals that often get physical. She can leave him but chooses not to.
That being said, I think similar relationships are just ugly and I don’t want to be a part of one.
Society Has Programmed Many Men To Bend For Women Too Much
The main reasons for the formation of so many nice guys are:
- Fatherless homes
A woman cannot make her son a man. He needs a father. Unfortunately, many homes don’t have a father figure. Sometimes the father is not present at all. Other times he is there but only physically.
This is my case too. Neither my grandfathers nor my father transcended to me the male doctrine. One of my grandfathers was extremely timid and rarely talked to me. The other was indeed an alpha but abandoned us for 12 years (my formative years) for personal reasons.
Thus, I was raised by my mother – a strong woman, but a woman nonetheless. She wanted me to be everything that my father wasn’t a.k.a. an ultra-nice guy. I don’t blame her at all. She really did her best.
- Societal Brainwashing
Hating men is the norm. Men are considered evil. Women are better than men simply because they’re women. This is what all the movies and media tell us. Naturally, boys buy all of it and become naïve to the point of no return.
Eventually, the average boy starts hating himself for the simple reason that he is a man. (E.g., “I apologize for my gender.” – a common quote among the lost male souls.)
There is nothing to apologize for. Men built this world and continue to maintain it. Without men, you have no civilization. End of story.
- She is not more important than you in any way.
Here’s the deal. She doesn’t care about you. Women only care about themselves and making themselves happy.
They happily abandon perfectly good guys for no good reason. Women are not at all the angels that society portrays them to be. Many of them are incredibly vicious and will stab you in your sleep if you’re not careful.
Protect yourself because nobody else will.
Put yourself first. Your soul will appreciate it.
I’d like to finish this article with a single quote that summarizes everything:
“Mom will teach you how to treat a woman ‘right’. Life will show you why dad is the way he is.”