The Myth That Women Have Many Options

| by Truth Seeker |

Ever since I got involved in the dating game (big mistake), I stumbled upon the statement that women are hit on all the time – online, at work, at the office, on the street…etc.  

I believed that for a long time, but eventually, my own experience got in the way. 

Offline Approaches   

In my entire life, I’ve seen only 3 street approaches. (All 3 resulted in rejection if you care.)

Ultimately, street approaches are extremely rare, especially outside of big U.S. cities. I’m not saying they don’t happen. I have approached 1000s of women (another big mistake) while trying to be as low-key as possible. I have no doubt that many other men in my town have done some approaching too.

The reality, however, is that this isn’t the norm. It’s the exception. If I go outside, I have a much higher chance to get hit by a car than to see an approach.  

This isn’t an invitation to start spam approaching on the street. I am against it even though I’ve been a practitioner myself.  

Many of the women that I’ve approached confirmed that men simply do not approach. One of them even said that men should study approaching in school. (say, what!?)

Furthermore, most women who get approached are working in a social environment (e.g., the mall). Those women actually hate being approached. Men choose them, however, for convenience.

Conclusions: 

  • Men rarely approach offline despite what the online world says.  
  • Men who approach often go for semi-warm approaches in the mall, for example.

As a result, the already low number of approaches is spread over a small number of women. 


 Why don’t men approach? 

This is not a PUA site so I will tell you the real reasons:  

  1. It’s embarrassing. (Personally, I hated it with a passion.)
  2. Over-clocking (You can’t approach without over-clocking your CNS regardless of your experience. Or in other words, it’s a high-energy activity.)
  3. Low success rate 

Approaching may be a numbers game, but so is the lottery.

The following happens often to average guys: 

  • Approach 250 women
  • Get 5 phone numbers, maybe. 
  • 2 of those phone numbers are fake 
  • The remaining three women ignore your text 

….etc.  

(Things were better in the past, but currently, the numbers above are sadly very accurate.)

Anyone who has approached will confirm some form of the above. To get an actual date from approaching, you may have to open an insane amount of women.

Here’s the total number of filters: 

  1. The woman has to be receptive. 
  2. She has to give you her number. 
  3. She has to respond to your initial text. 
  4. She has to agree to a date. 
  5. She has to come to the date. 

We are talking about a total of 5 filters. At each stage, you can lose.   

Work 

I worked in an estrogen office for 10 years. Never saw a single couple emerge there. That said, I know of 1 couple that had formed before my time there.  

In 10 years, I never saw one guy approach a woman in the office either.

However, one of the reasons for that was the low number of guys there, to begin with. If the gender mix was 50/50, the story would change.  

That said, most men simply don’t approach at work. It’s dangerous. You can lose your job due to weird allegations. 

Clubs 

Clubs are a big fail. Women there form the so-called “bitch shields”.

Or in other words, when women know that they have a high potential to be approached, they raise their standards and are more likely to reject you.  

Also, women go to bars and clubs with men and women that they already know.

I am not a big bar and club guy, but every time I’ve been to such an establishment, I have observed the following: 

  • Women come in packs, as already mentioned. This is bad because the woman that you approach may like you, but if her friends don’t, they will influence her negatively and push her into rejecting you.
  • Most men don’t approach in bars either. They would perform weird dances and pretend to be alpha, but they rarely approach. The last time I was in a club, there was a group of men that I observed carefully. Not one of them talked to a woman while I was there.  

I have zero doubt in my mind, that 99.9% of the men who go to a bar or club alone, leave it alone too.  

Social Circle 

Women have bigger social circles than men. You would be hard-pressed to discover an isolated woman whereas with men it happens very often, especially with age.  

Ironically, men need social circles more than women. A woman without a social circle is a cute introvert, a man without friends is considered a “creep”. I know it’s not fair, but it is what it is.  

That said, social circles are limited. For example, one time a woman told me that in her class there were only 2 boys. One of them was fat, the other was rarely there. She was studying some art thing so it’s not a surprise.  

Ultimately, female social circles are unsurprisingly made of women. Also, women often do hobbies that do not attract the type of men that they go for.  

For example, many women do yoga but rarely go for the guys who infiltrate those classes specifically to interact with women. I am not saying it never happens, but the action is limited nonetheless.  

Online 

The online world is a different game. Even if you are a spectacularly unattractive woman, you will get a spectacular amount of attention. The more active you are on social media/dating apps, the more attention/spam you will receive.

In my life, I have gotten exactly 1 friend request from a woman. She classified the request as “an accident”.

Meanwhile, my female equivalents swim in requests, new followers…etc.  

We also know for a fact that even a female pig will get 1000s matches on a dating app.  

Women Don’t Want The Men Who Want Them 

Women today have unrealistic standards. One time I asked a co-worker why she doesn’t accept the requests that she receives and she said: “They’re all freaks.” 

Translation: Those guys aren’t attractive enough for me. She? Well, she isn’t very pretty. 

This illustrates that women do not even consider many of those online guys a viable option and functionally those men do not exist, at least when the means of communication are online. 

We observe the same on dating apps. I haven’t used online dating myself for many years, but the majority of my matches were horrific. Also, women on dating apps are extremely hard to meet in real life.


Ultimately, women rarely pay a lot of attention to online seducers even when those men are acceptable.

Why?

Because the female standards online are the highest they can be (higher than what we observe in clubs and bars).

Also, women can easily dissect your social status by analyzing your profile. If you’re an average dude, your profile will be average at best…unless you fake it till you make it.

Women look for photos clearly indicating high status (BMWs, expensive traveling, clothes, real estate…etc.) When they don’t see that, their interest is reduced.

Profile Descriptions

The high number of requests that women receive is actually low in functional substance.

Let’s say that the average woman receives 10 FB friend requests and 10 direct messages on Instagram every day. (Those numbers are actually quite high, but let’s roll with them for demonstration purposes.)

So, we have a total of 20 initiated interactions. Over the course of 5 days, we get to 100.

Sound a lot, but the outcome in real life is limited because:

  • Some percentage of those men will actually be married/engaged/taken and are simply looking for e-sex or a one-night stand.  (I’ve heard of similar stories.)
  • Some percentage of those men will never come to the date. (Men flake too.)
  • Some percentage of those men will be too old/young or of the wrong social status for the woman.
  • Some of those men will become ghosts. (Men do it too.)
  • Women will find many of those men unattractive (the biggest factor).

Eventually, the 100 interactions quickly dwindle. The number of viable options is still high, though. The problem is that women are simply not willing to put in work for an average dude.


Mid-Conclusion 

The above can be summarized as follows: 

  • Men do not approach offline. They may check out women but those “checks” mean nothing
  • Men rarely approach women at work.
  • The social circles of most women are made of women and beta males they find unattractive.
  • Men approach 1000s of women via social media and dating apps, but women have higher standards in the online realm and consider many of those men unattractive.

She Doesn’t Have Better Options 

I’ve been to many dates where things will seem perfect. She would be laughing all the time as if we are already together.

Then, in the end, she would tell me “I’d love to see you again.” only to headshot me with an “I don’t think it’s a good idea to meet again” text when I offer another date. (It’s sad, but that’s the reality of modern dating.) 

When you’re rejected as a male, it’s extremely logical to conclude consciously or not that she has better options.

If someone doesn’t value you, they must be finding better value somewhere else, right? 

I thought so too but with age and experience things changed. 

Eventually, I found out the truth – most women who reject you after a date DO NOT have better options, but the illusion that they do.  

Or in other words, they can’t do better than you in reality but think they can in their head.  

Of course, some will say that this is a protection mechanism that shields me from the pain and shame of rejection. I understand, but it’s not like that. I’ve been rejected so many times, many were brutal, that I don’t think protection would help anyway.  

The reality is this: there isn’t a mythical “Chad” waiting for every woman that ghosts you.

I am not joking.  

I am dying to meet all the 6’5″, green eyes, blond hair, 18-inch biceps, shredded abs, CEOs or doctors that women catch after rejecting me or another average dude. Seriously. I am dying to meet those men because I never see them in real life.  

When the average woman rejects an average man she isn’t going on a date with the aforementioned stallion the next. She returns to her lonely 1-bedroom apartment that she pays too much rent for and comforts herself with pets and weird TV shows.

She then proceeds to swipe, wondering when God will finally give her the man she deserves. The next day she goes to her boring office job and starts clicking.

I am not saying this as hyperbole. I’ve seen it for real.

Sometimes a woman would reject me and then after 2-3 years, I will check her social media. More often than not, she will still be alone with her cat(s). The only thing different would be her hair color and the number of animals.

Of course, this isn’t always the case. A small percentage of women actually settle down, but it would never be with a man that’s more attractive than me. Richer? Maybe. I don’t have access to their bank accounts or portfolios, but never more attractive. And most importantly – never a stud.

Sometimes I’d even wonder, why would she go for some unhygienic weird dude. I am not doing it to protect my self-esteem. I am way past that point and have zero incentives not to be honest here. I would genuinely ask myself those questions.


One time, my sister rejected a guy that was perfect for her. Together with my parents, we told her that and confronted her. Guess, what? She was ready to physically fight us. It was a huge scandal.  

Did she have better options when she rejected him? 

No (with a resonance).  She was alone and had zero leads. 

Did she get a better man years later? 

No (with a bigger resonance).  


I am not saying that a woman can’t do better (than me.) She can. But in many cases, women choose nothing over something while thinking that a miracle is waiting for them. In the process, they just get old, and the number of cats increases.  

Neither a Ferrari Nor a Second-hand Nissan

Imagine that you only have money to buy a basic second-hand car from 2007 at the latest. You open a site for cars and you get 100s of options. The cars are not ideal. They have some scratches here and there and lack extras (e.g., the radio still has a CD…etc.), but their engines probably have another 100k of life if maintained.

But you say no and decide to wait for a Ferrari.

Realistically, you will never have the money to buy a Ferrari let alone maintain it for years and actually drive it daily, but you keep dreaming that you will. Meanwhile, you keep riding the bus and walking with heavy bags.

The reality is that Ferraris are not for people with average income. You need to be a multi-millionaire to afford one. Most people will never have that kind of money.

This is essentially the way women are leading their love lives today.

Math Speaks Louder Than Words 

It’s been said numerous times that 90% of women like 10% of men. The remaining 90% of men are either invisible or a consolation prize.

Thus, if women don’t adjust their expectations, some of them will lose in the game of chairs due to the lack of available men.

For example, only 15% of the world’s male population is over 6′ tall. If all women refuse to date shorter men, only 15% of women will have a husband.  

Sure. A man can sleep with many women, but he can functionally marry only one. Thus, even if those 15% of men wanted to marry all the women, it would be impossible to do so.  

Social Status

The digital infrastructure allows women from the low social stratums to easily meet men from the aristocracy. She can be Cinderalla’s shoe cleaner and yet get a date with the president of a football club through a dating app.  

Cool. He’ll have sex with her, but he won’t marry her because of the vastly different social stratums.  

Women Are Passive

Another fact that narrows female options is how passive females are. Women don’t flirt with average guys anymore and expect men to read their thoughts.

Why? Because it’s always easier to do nothing than to put yourself out there. Society encourages that and women develop a false sense of superiority out of their inactivity.

The lack of action further limits their options. A guy is many times more likely to be active after receiving clear signals from a woman, but even those signals (which have been present for centuries) are no longer there. You’re expected to know when to approach even though she never moves her gaze away from the phone screen.

Reality 

Ultimately, women have the illusion of choice, but their only practical decision, is to go for men close to them in terms of looks and social status. Otherwise, they risk staying alone forever, or until their best years are way behind them, while waiting for a dude that either doesn’t exist or simply doesn’t want them.  

There are many Cinderellas, but only a handful of princes. Most women will never have Cinderella’s destiny and most men will never be the Prince. 

I understand why a young woman (18-23) would avoid settling with less-than-ideal men, but after that, she’s only lying to herself.  

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26 comments

  1. Frank

    I have been following you for years but I can’t get your books. Its not easy to get them here in South Africa,please help.

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      It’s ok. You don’t need them.

      1. Frank

        I need them . I can send the money then you send me the pdf

    2. Rob

      I’ve been following you for years and I’ve got to say, your articles are getting better and better💯

  2. Ahmed Salem

    It’s funny though that our ancestors understood male and female relationship dynamics more than we did by enforcing arranged marriages to end this nonsense.

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      The purpose of arranged marriage was also to boost the family by making a “business deal”. It wasn’t just to prevent the pointless dating that happens today.

  3. Jose

    I have to say that while I was reading this post I had a memory from the past.
    One weekend of August, when I was 19 yo, I was in Madrid the hole
    summer (I’m from Madrid, Spain). Here in Madrid, all the people from
    here goes to the beach (Ibiza, Barcelona, etc) and Madrid city stays with
    the poor people that can’t go on vacation and the international tourists.
    Nevertheless, that weekend I managed to go partying with a friend of mine
    (we both are decent male especimen but more short than tall), and the night
    succesfully ended with me getting wild with an Argetinian female that even
    make me dream nowadays after so many years.
    The thing is that night I found a lot less male competition around me in
    the club, I could sense that they weren’t lots of males more attractive than me.
    That’s why, when I went partying here in Madrid on another season, not summer,
    I had no chance to get a girl and the experience was zero matches; because
    all the pretty boys from Madrid were here and raises the competition in the club,
    they were far less female tourists willing to get taste the males from Madrid and
    so on.

    I just wanted to share that experience, because before I didn’t understand why
    I had that success and so many other failures.

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      You can’t derive big conclusions from 1 episode.

  4. dev

    I must be lucky but I only approached a girl 3 times in my life and all of them gave me their number and we went on a date. I am a short guy (171cm), but I do have a nice physique..I have to admit one thing..I didn’t cold approach them. It was all situational and it was so easy. I didn’t go out looking for approaching a women. It happened naturally. So I wouldn’t say that approaching a women is a bad thing

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      And where are those girls now? Also, 171cm is normal height and not short.

      1. Dev

        We had a great time but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I travel a lot so it was just occasional dates/sex here and there. After a while I run into the same issue with all of them. They got in love and I wasn’t feeling/wanting it so it always ended.

  5. Edoardo

    I disagree. I’ve read one time on a medical forum a young woman asking for help saying she was addicted to Tinder. That she started just to try it but ended up seeing so many good looking guys, she said she could meet up to 20 guys per month and sleep with them. So…they have options, they can get a lot of sex, just not love. In any case it’s not my problem, Im not expecting to “fix” the world or to take advantage of this problems-

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      You say disagree and then write what it’s already said in the article.

      The keyword here is functional choices. The average woman doesn’t care about sex all that much due to hormones and the fact that she can get it easy.

      Those 20 guys per month will become close to zero if she tries to tie them up.

  6. MattW

    I’ve had the exact same thought for men (or for me really), the women I want don’t want me. And what I do I deserve really, the spread available is getting more and more overweight with time and with age. Swiping on an app gives the impression there are plentiful options but they don’t want me, they want someone better, and the women who do want me are invisible to me bc they’re all overweight.

    It’s a coordination problem that seems impossible. And we’re seeing the results with the declining birth rates all over the world. The only way I can see to reverse it is a new religion, something much more powerful and compelling than Christianity currently is.

    1. Edo

      Oh sorry I misunderstood, In that case I agree. The fact is that for the average guy it makes no difference, personally I don’t know and I don’t want to take advantage of these social dynamics.

  7. Rob

    I have a friend zone female friend who is nearly 12 years younger. I treat her very well but haven’t put in effort for about 4 years since she went ga-ga over a psycho who was a little younger than me. I am shredded, hold a well paying job and very stable. She loves that and hangs around all the time. But it wasn’t enough. She is obviously waiting for a slightly taller, virgin (or no kids) more spiritual guys that is more stable. It was your articles that made me realise I was never going to be good enough…..and this one shows it from her perspective. Great article

  8. Ahmed Salem

    Truthseeker, I realized that you always emphasize the term “illusion of choice” for men in terms of self-improvement and women in terms of dating and finding a prince charming. How did this optimistic nonsensical trait “illusion of choice’ become so amplified? I hope one day you can write an article on the illusion of choice and reaching your cardio genetic potential.

  9. Erasus

    Great article as always, I think this article is so close to reality, I always wondered why girls would settle with guys that are even less attractive. I really have seen this many times and this article proves it again for me. Sometimes I see some girls with decent looking guys in my town, and net somehow they separate then after a few years she settles with a guy with beer gut, bald and such, who really good take a better care of himself, and those are the same girls who testified when they were younger that they would never date such guys, I guess they too lower their standards when the time is up 😀 Because as Truthseeker says they only have an illusion about having options. It’s a theory that doesn’t happen that much in practice. I also would say that girls are notoriously known for saying one thing and doing another, they say this say that but you see the reality, everyone is waiting for their prince but they realize all they can is much less of a man than you were, and somehow they still live together. I will never understand women nor I will try to.

  10. JK

    “I’ve been to many dates where things will seem perfect. She would be laughing all the time as if we are already together.
    Then, in the end, she would tell me “I’d love to see you again.” only to headshot me with an “I don’t think it’s a good idea to meet again” text when I offer another date. (It’s sad, but that’s the reality of modern dating.) ”

    It’s uncanny how accurately this description matches my last date. I thought she was super into me. And I’m dying to meet her better options too. I don’t consider myself a chad and I don’t have the highest opinion of me either, but I’m 6’2”, I go to med school, I’m muscular with low bodyfat, and I have a full head of hair. Where are the guys that are so much better than me? At least on paper, I’m a good catch I think. But I’ve been proven wrong many times sadly.

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      She doesn’t have access to Chads better than you apart from those in her head. Women reject perfectly fine males every day.

  11. John Smith

    Great article. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

    “One time, my sister rejected a guy that was perfect for her. Together with my parents, we told her that and confronted her. Guess, what? She was ready to physically fight us. It was a huge scandal.”

    Can I ask what culture you’re from?

  12. Paulo

    Truthseeker

    Id like to know your opinion on those youtuber pranksters such as Steven Shapiro, Big Daws TV, That Was Epic etc.

    Cause they use to do various of what they call “social experiences” where they approach girls in some university campus and almost 100% of the time, no matter how awakward and ridiculous are their approaches, the girls end up giving them their number.

    I use to believe those prankster were honest. But after sometime watching them I start to suspect that almost all their pranks (if not all) are fake.

    And it makes me very upset that millions of people believe them. Those pranksters are very clever. They are able to fool millions of people while making a lot of easy money with fake pranks that everybody seems to believe.

    Im coming to the realization that everything in this world is fake. This is a fake world. Everything we see and watch is probably fake. You see an interview and you think everything that’s going on there is spontaneous. But in reality it’s all staged.

    And most people (99%) believe lies. People seem to be wired to believe lies and everything that’s fake. That’s the reason fakeness work so well in this world.

    What’s your perception about it?

    1. Truth Seeker Post author

      I don’t know those guys, but anyone who has approached will tell you that the success rate is very low.

      Even if you’re very attractive, you will get rejected a lot.

      So, people who only present positive outcomes are either cutting all the rejections or faking it.

      I repeat. Even if you’re literally 10/10, you will get reject more times than you would get “accepted”.

      If you are average, you may get literally rejected 100 times in a row.

      1. Paulo

        That’s interesting.

        It’s ironic how technology makes life better at the same time that it makes life in society worse and worse.

        For example: thanks to technology women can now show themselves by what they really are inside. Their true nature.

        Technology also allowed some people to become very famous and thus be treated as if they were gods.

        And the more technology we have, the more power some people will have over all the others etc.

        Funny thing is that I like technology and wish I had been born in some distant future.

        But then I realize that, if relationships and life in society is already starting to become that impossible even in this generation, how much worse things will be in, lets say, two hundred years from now? Have you thought about it?

  13. Giant Manlet

    “You can’t approach without over-clocking your CNS regardless of your experience. Or in other words, it’s a high-energy activity.”

    Good point! I think that has always been a huge factor in preventing me (a 4,5) to join the group of the more average looking “slayers”. (Or maybe I am just more unattractive than I thought, lol.) I’ll admit, I am rather thin-skinned and neurotic. I would love to hear your elaborations on overclocking your CNS by approaching women.

    Furthermore, do you think it would be a good life decision to stop (cold or just plain out) approaching women altogether (for guys „like us“)?

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