Today, nattyornot.com brings you an exclusive interview with a fake natural bodybuilder. The man in question is a top tier muscle constructor who has competed on stage against some of the most legendary natural bodybuilders. He was happy enough to answer my questions.
Note: The material below contains explicit content.
NN = NattyOrNot
FN = Fake Natural
NN: Hello, do you want the audience to know your real name?
FN: Not really. I may lose my sponsors. You can call me Mr. Trenbolone. {laughs}
NN: Cool. What’s the first thing that you want to get off your chest, Mr. Trenbolone? Why did you agree to make this interview?
FN: Well, we are not allowed to talk about the drug part of the game, and life gets pretty lonely sometimes. I can’t talk openly about this stuff even with my fiancee and my mother. That’s why I decided to use this site as a way to share my pains and troubles. You are my shrink, homie.
NN: Mr. Trenbolone, I am honored to have you here. Tell us, what does a fake natural bodybuilder do in a typical day?
FN: In the morning, I usually take a massive dump because I eat a lot of food to maintain my size. You gotta keep that protein high – about 500 – 600 grams.
NN: Lol!
FN: Yeah, man! Tell me about it. After I’m done in the bathroom, I like to flex in front of the mirror. If I like what I see, I may even take a selfie. If I look flat for whatever the reason, I just crack one off instead. It keeps me in a calmer state.
After that, I usually inject 90% of the drugs I take and watch YouTube videos of me deadlifting, squatting and benching. Seeing myself dominating bending barbells fires me up.
NN: How do you take your morning drugs?
FN: I like to shoot most of my anabolic steroids in my left glute. For some reason, I don’t like shooting drugs in my right cheek. I don’t know why, to be honest. It probably has something to do with my childhood, you know. My father used to beat me real bad on the right cheek. I feel like I have to let that part of my body retire with honor. {laughs}
If I run out of places to shoot in, I lower the injectable drugs and do a cycle with oral steroids. I am actually quite proud of this technique. I came up with it myself.
NN: Do you take pre-workout supplements?
FN: Usually, I just do a line of cocaine. That keeps me going. If I have fucked a bitch the night before, I snort cocaine off her perky tits. That’s when I have the best workouts, and frankly, the only time I care to set PRs.
NN: What about whey protein and creatine? It seems that natural bodybuilders consider those a must?
FN: Fuck this garbage, man. They just give me gas. Sometimes the chicks on the labels are hot, and occasionally, I use them as stimulation, but I don’t consider supplements useful for anything else. I really don’t store any creatine in my apartment because I often mix it with my cocaine when I am drunk. Damn it, I really hate when that happens.
NN: How long do you train?
FN: As long as there are bitches with solid tits and tight slim legs doing cardio. The more bitches there are in the gym, the more I scream. I want them looking at me when I do my squats and deadlifts. I think that modern women are deeply turned on by raw strength. They don’t always show it because it’s on a subconscious level, but I am pretty sure I’ve made so many girls in the gym wet that I probably have to pay the cleaning man some extra green. Chicks dig muscles, man. What else can I say?
NN: In one of your YouTube videos, you said the following – “How much are you willing to sacrifice to win?” So, what’s your answer to this question?
FN: Everything. I am willing to give my balls, my integrity. Everything that I have I am willing to trade for muscle, fame, and money. There are no better things than those three. If you have them, consider yourself the king of all kings. All else is blue pill cope, brother.
NN: Nice. Respectable dedication….so, what do you do after training?
FN: Well, I usually shoot more drugs in me to recover faster and then head to the local McDonald’s or Burger King. I like eating junk food. I believe it helps me get even bigger because it’s fool of hormones. Do you know that the average height of young Asians has drastically increased thanks to the large consumption of fast foods?
NN: What happened to ”eating clean”? I thought you were dedicated.
FN: Fuck eating clean, man! That’s for the pussies. If it fits and slides, let it penetrate you, or in other words, if it fits your macros, you can’t get fat even if you eat dog crap.
NN: Oh, man! You are dropping some sick knowledge here. That’s what we are talking about. Tell us how it’s done…
FN: Yeah, man! After eating, I usually go to the mall. I don’t like cars. I prefer taking the bus because it lifts me up. People look at me, and that makes me horny…you know what I’m saying, brah?
In the mall, I usually meet with my official girlfriend or should I say, my fiancée? I like her. She has nice tits, but unfortunately, the nipples are looking in different directions, but that’s fine. You know what the smart guys say – marriage requires compromises. You have to accept the imperfections of your partner. Well, to be honest, homie, I think I’m pushing the limits by accepting this downside of my girl, but at least I cheat on her, so we are kinda even.
NN: You seem to have a lion’s sex drive. What’s your secret? After all, many fake natural bodybuilders are struggling with their bedroom performance.
FN: Well, to tell you the truth, I use more Viagra and Cialis than I use anabolic steroids. That’s why I am constantly walking with a python in my pants. In the beginning, it was a little inconvenient, but after a certain time, you get used to it and don’t ever want to be soft again. My advice to bodybuilders who struggle with getting it up is to take stimulants.
NN: Cool. What do you do next?
FN: I usually go back home and start preparing for my webcam show. I do cam shows to earn extra cash for growth hormone and Viagra. That’s why I help other men study anatomy.
NN: So, you do gay for pay?
FN: Well, you can call it that if you are a douchebag, but I consider it an art. The money is good, and I reduce the sexual tension in the world. Quite frankly, I think I am doing a great service to the society.
NN: Man, you are just doing the low-level striptease in front of a webcam. Don’t you think you are overestimating yourself a little?
FN: Not really. You see….(pauses and looks at the skirt of a girl passing by or maybe at the biceps of the man walking next to her). It takes skill, homie. You have to be creative to stay relevant.
NN: What do you mean by “creative”?
FN: Well, sometimes I use apples, lemons, carrots, grapes and even grapefruits in my shows. Occasionally, I will also lick my biceps like that Bogus guy from YouTube.
NN: Oh, man! You seem to have some a sick repertoire. Mad props!
FN: Yeah, man! My show usually goes for something like 2 hours before I am completely exhausted. About that time my girl comes back home. She doesn’t know about my online adventures, although I think she would be supportive. I don’t want to push it too far at this point, though. We are about to get married….and she is filthy rich. Her father has a supplement line, but that’s just a cover. Most of his money comes from illegal steroid distribution. Where do you think the pros get their steroids from, man? He used to be one of those 3’2″ tall bodybuilders who competed back in the day. My fiancée also has a hot daughter and a sister. You see, I can’t ruin her happiness by revealing that I am doing cam shows.
NN: Yeah, man! We totally get it. You gotta keep the dream alive.
FN: Precisely, brah.
NN: How do you spend your evenings?
FN: I usually watch reality shows. I really like those TV formats. I think they should make one with bodybuilders too. You know….you take a couple of bodybuilders, put them in a house for a month…people vote…..Now that I think about it….this is a sick idea. I need to call my man Poor Violin.
NN: Who?
FN: My boy Poor Violin. He is one of those retired bodybuilders with a next level entrepreneurial vision.
NN: Oh, isn’t that the guy who went to Mexico to inject PMMA in his arms?
FN: Yeah, man! That’s him…one time he got his arms to 23 inches like that.
NN: Wow! That’s such a sick way to get your arms bigger. So, what about him?
FN: Well, I will pitch him this idea about bodybuilding reality shows. We may even invite some retired bodybuilders as special guests to attract a larger audience. Man, I don’t know how I do it, but I always come up with million dollar ideas. God just wants me to be rich and muscular.
NN: When do you go to bed, and how much do you sleep?
FN: I don’t really care about sleep. Sleep is for broke people, as 50 Cent used to say. To tell you the truth, if I have a hot piece of ass next to me, I don’t need even a minute of sleep. Just thinking about that girl getting horny gives me turbochargers that make RedBull’s wings seem like Lego toys. Cocaine also helps a lot.
NN: What about having kids? I thought steroids make it harder to impregnate women.
FN: For some people yes, but not for me. I am a proud baby maker. I have 2 kids from 2 different women and 1 kid from a half-woman?
NN: What do you mean by that?
FN: Well, I got two kids from two different civilian women and one more kid from a person that used to be a woman, but now she is a female bodybuilder and looks like a man. I don’t know what she is anymore. She mutated.
NN: Word. Is there something specific about the industry that you want to tell us?
FN: Well, I like it and I hate it. I love taking drugs and flexing my muscles. I love the fitness girls. By the way, all fitness girls are easy. They are always ready. I think they are somewhat mentally damaged. Maybe some childhood drama. I don’t know. As far as the industry goes – it’s corrupt.
Many athletes have to perform sexual services for the judges, the promoters and the CEOs of the supplement companies. If I have learned anything in this life, it’s that everybody wants a blow job.
NN: That’s awful to hear man. We thought that the bodybuilding game was about honor and respect…
FN: hahahhahahaahahahahahah….not really. I mean there are some people who deserve respect -me, for example, but for the most part, muscle men are simply low IQ social degenerates who got bullied in high school.
NN: Do you think that having big arms helps with women?
FN: Yeah man. I owe most of the pussy in my life to my arms. They just look at my arms and want to fuck me. My arms are my game and dick, homie.
NN: Not even hello?
FN: No, man. That’s for amateurs who think that Barney from How I Didn’t Meet Your Mother knows how to pick up chicks. I just flex, and they get on their knees.
NN: What do you tell the naive fans who think that supplements are the reason for your size?
FN: {laughs} I love those guys. They make me rich while all they are getting is diarrhea. Who would’ve thought that today I will be making so much money for advertising powders? I wish my teachers were alive to see how far I’ve made it.
NN: Speaking of teachers, how good is your education?
FN: I got a college degree from the University Of Anabolics… {laughs} On a serious note, I think I will get my Ph.D. soon. It seems to help. People love nerdy bodybuilders.
NN: How is your preparation for the Olympia going?
FN: It’s going pretty well. In a few weeks, I will just up the tr*****, the cl****, the T***, the D**** and of course the G**** and the E****.
NN: Some stack. How do you get your steroids? Any problems with the law?
FN: I have a prescription for the drugs I use. I have a friend who is a doctor, and another one who is a vet. They supply me steroids for humans and horses too.
NN: Any advice for the beginners out there?
FN: Sure. Tren hard, eat clen and claim natty. Enjoy.
NN: Thanks for the interview man.
FN: I should be the one thanking you. I was heavily depressed the last few weeks because I couldn’t share the truth with anybody. I felt like a miserable son of a bitch with a sucky empty life, but now that I think about it, my life is awesome. Muscle, money and pussy. What’s not to like?
NN: Take care.
FN: Piece.
lmfao 🙂
Epic buddy.. but what’s your name???