I promised to make a post about this to a reader, so I will.
Below are mainstream statements in regard to the so-called nice guys (it’s all lies, but I have to post the definitions).
1. Nice guys are manipulative
Some people say that women deflect nice guys because nice guys are pretending to be something they are not “only to get in her pants”.
2. Nice guys are not really nice because they get angry and call women names after a rejection
There are plenty of screenshots exposing nice guys getting angry over text after receiving the “I’m just not feeling it.” rejection line.
The idea is this. Women sense that a nice guy is not “authentic” and automatically go for the bad boy who should theoretically be the opposite and therefore authentic.
All of the above is nothing more than FALSE BELIEFS men have been fed for years.
Allow me to explain.
First, the vast majority of nice guys are actually nice and not pretending. (It’s quite difficult to fake something like that.)
Many of them are guys raised in fatherless homes and taught to over-respect women. The younger the nice guy is, the more likely he is to believe in lies such as “true love”, “soulmates”, “be a gentleman”, “women are innocent”…etc.
The average nice guy tries to adhere to the social requirements pushed on him.
E.g., Paying for the date, being a gentleman, buying flowers…etc.
If you see a bouquet of flowers in a trash bin, it’s 99% certain that a nice guy or an ungrateful woman put it there.
Nice guys tend to be very idealistic when it comes to dating and fall in love quickly (sometimes before they’ve even met the woman they’re allegedly adoring already).
They are not faking those feelings. They come naturally to them.
The nice guy goes on a date and has what seems to be a wonderful time. The woman is smiling and having fun. Both are making jokes and appear to be in love from the outside.
Over the following days, the nice guy asks the woman out again. “I had a wonderful time, Becky. I’d be happy to meet you again.”
Becky leaves him on seen/delivered for days and eventually comes up with the generic: “I just didn’t feel any energy there.” response.
Mr. Nice Guy feels his chest sinking. After a brief moment, rage takes over, and he directly calls Becky a liar if not more.
That reaction DOES NOT make the nice guy a fake nice guy.
It’s simply a defense mechanism. The nice guy feels cheated of his time, energy, emotions and money (if he’d paid for the date.)
His being is saying: “They took something from us for nothing. They lied to us.”
That’s 100% natural, and it would be weird if you didn’t feel anything.
Imagine the following situation. You go to the store. You ask for a set of headphones. The seller gives them to you for a test. You like their sound. You ask for the price. It’s acceptable. You want to buy them.
You go to the register, take out your money, and then the seller says: “Sorry, sir. We can’t sell you those headphones because….the purchase doesn’t feel right.”
Anyone would feel cheated. Expressing that emotion would make you an ANGRY nice guy rather than a FAKE nice guy.
Not expressing anger would make you a CALM/NUMB nice guy rather than a “rear real nice guy.”
What’s really happening here?
The whole point of shaming nice guys is this: women don’t want to deal with angry men. They want to play their game unhindered and would be happy if the guys who get rejected keep their emotions to themselves while they continue to seek the mythical alpha “Chad”.
That’s literally it.
Angry nice guys are shamed not because they are not nice guys inherently, but because they raise their voices.
That’s literally it.
Women don’t want to be held accountable for leading nice guys on and thus say that niceness does not entitle a man to anything.
Correct. It doesn’t. However, the nice guy doesn’t feel entitled. He is angry because the said woman has expressed undeniable interest in him and is suddenly withdrawing it. It’s that withdrawal that triggers the emotional response.
I had the following story this year. Went on date. Had a nice time. The woman seemed really into me. She said: “That’s one of my best first dates.” (implying that there will be more).
In the end, we kissed, and she whispered: “Write me, soon.”. The end. I wrote her after 24 hours. She never replied.
In my “nice guy” days, I would have told her: “Eat s*”, but at that point in my life, I was already numb and didn’t respond at all.
So, this woman was a huge liar that wanted attention. I don’t think anyone would feel nice in my shoes. Honestly, I felt disgusted but didn’t react not because I was super nice. I was simply tired.
The only person in stories like this who isn’t nice is the woman. She is manipulating the guy and stealing his attention, emotional energy and a bit of money. She is pretending that she is “interested” only to get what she wants from that person at that moment.
Or in other words, it’s precisely women who are “fake nice” in a manipulative fashion.
The men who try to fake being nice are not nice by default. If you have to fake it, then you aren’t it, are you?
So, the vast majority of men (it’s a very slim group) who actually offer fake niceness are bad boys exploring a new strategy. That’s it.
The classic example is the bad boy who pretends that he is in love with a woman only to leave her after sleeping with her.
That’s the actual fake nice guy. Not the naïve dude sitting alone on a bench with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.
“It’s not racism when we do it.”
When women are put in the position of the nice guys who receive the rejection, they get absolutely vicious and write the nastiest things ever.
E.g., “I hope your daughter is born a lesbian and dies of cancer.” (I’ve literally read that.)
But when they play the role of the deceiver, suddenly “it’s not racism” because they’re doing it.
You get it.
So, why don’t women like nice guys?
First, women do like nice guys when those men are super attractive. It’s pretty clear that Brad Pitt will have girlfriends even if he acts in the most beta way imaginable simply for his looks.
However, most men are not 9s and 10s. By definition, the vast majority of men are average or below. When you’re in that category, you can’t get away with all kinds of behavior.
The reason why women go for bad boys/scumbags is the same reason why people prefer to eat junk food over quality food.
- It’s tastier and addictive due to the constant secretion of dopamine
- It plays the role of the forbidden fruit
- It adds excitement/adventure to an otherwise blatant lifestyle (work-metro-sleep)
The nice guys, on the other hand, are water, broccoli, and chicken. They won’t make you fat (cheat on you) and will keep you healthier, but they are simply “boring” (lack taste).
People want “flavor” even if it’s bad for them and turn to good nutrition only when fat or ill. This is the equivalent of women running back to the nice guys when no longer desired by the bad boys.
Some people will say that women like bad boys because those men encompass ultra-manly qualities that simply come with some “side effects” (e.g., occasional slaps to the face).
This may be true in some cases, but my observation has unequivocally shown that women like narcissistic bad boys and all kinds of broken men even when those mythical manly qualities aren’t present.
You will not read this in mainstream sources because people are afraid to say it.
Women simply like assholes and there’s that. Many people will try to find a rational explanation, but that’s simply an attempt to justify bad choices.
I’ve seen women reject men who love them to death for complete losers in life.
To me, this is the equivalent of a man choosing a doughnut infested will all kinds of chemicals over a steak.
We do it because it’s easier to sin and do the wrong thing than it is to do the right.
Women Only Care About How a Guy Makes Them Feel
Another important notion that men need to know is that women care mostly about how the guy makes them feel. This is literally what they call “chemistry.”
This is crucial to know.
You can have a great conversation (as in my cases) with a woman thanks to your sense of humor and high IQ, and yet later she could still reject you harshly because you didn’t make her feel “right”.
Not because you’re fake nice, stupid, or whatever, but simply because you didn’t trigger her emotionally.
This is the equivalent of judging food only by taste without carrying about its nutritional quality.
If people judge food only by taste, we will only eat garbage, get sick and die faster than necessary while suffering more physical illness.
This is exactly what women are doing when they reject the nice guy and go for the so-called bad boy/real man who treats them like dirt.
They choose chocolate over real food for the taste and pay the consequences.
I repeat. Women only care about how you make them feel.
The same applies to looks (and money).
Why are women willing to do anything for a hot guy who may very well be a sociopath drug dealer? Because his facial and bodily features make them feel RIGHT.
Remember: Nothing triggers the same kind of emotions as looks. Nothing.
Why do women go for rich fat guys? Because the money makes them feel RIGHT about their future.
If you don’t make a woman feel “right” (a.k.a. you aren’t the doughnut), your education, hobbies, IQ…etc. don’t matter.
A woman would literally push away a Ph.D. dude to be in the hands of a brute with a paid high-school diploma who beats her occasionally because the latter makes her feel right.
For that reason (choice by feel), fathers used to exercise a huge role in who a woman would marry because societies were smart enough to realize that if women are allowed to 100% decide everything, they will always go for doughnuts first and broccoli later….or never.
So, how does a nice guy make a woman feel?
He is essentially water. He is healthy but plain. He is faithful but also boring.
The bad boy is a sugary drink. It feels nice in the short term and gives you lots of energy but makes you sick in the future. He also comes in many flavors. All of them are shit, but all of them trigger a strong emotional response.