Proper Squat Technique? Overthinking Bozos Complicate Everything

| by Truth Seeker |


Today was no different.

I started the computer and launched YouTube only to see another permabulker suffering from an inflated ego trying to convince me that squatting is as complex as a heart transplant.

“You have to keep your back as tight as possible when you squat,” said Mr. PermaBulk.

Thanks, man. Nice tip. Until now I was imagining that my back is a sausage when I squat. You changed my life forever. What’s next? Please, teach me.

“When you squat you have to keep your back straight too,” adds Mr. PermaBulk.

Really? Where have I heard that before? What’s next? Do I also have to hold the bar really tight when I squat? Until now I was using only my pinkies. Maybe this is why I can’t squat heavy weights? Correct?

“Yes, this is correct. You have to hold the bar really tight. Make sure that your knuckles turn white. It’s an ancient Soviet secret. It’s also really important that your feet point at a 42-degree angle?”

Why 42 degrees and not 43?

“Because according to my experience this is the amount of rotation that provides the best possible glute activation. 1 degree more or less and you will experience glute deflation or inflation. 42 is the golden spot,” said Mr. PermaBulk and placed the back of his hands on his waist because when you have a fat gut that’s more comfortable than using a regular grip.

Thanks for the enlightenment man. I didn’t know that until now. I hope that my glute activation will be spot on from now on. Any other advice?

“Yes. When you squat, you have to bend your knees and descend. If you don’t do that, you cannot squat.”

Oh, man! Don’t say! I am learning so much already. I am certain that those new tips will make me a world record squatter like you. I am pretty sure that this is why you are so strong. I guess the trucks of steroids that you have taken over the years have nothing to do with that.

It’s all about bending your knees and descending the right way. Correct? By the way, how deep do I have to squat?

“You want to squat a little bit below parallel. That’s a full squat,” replied Mr. PermaBulk.

Note: For those of you who don’t know, a little bit below parallel is actually 3 inches above parallel in permabulking terms.

Thanks, man. I really can’t stand people who don’t squat deep enough. Those guys deserve hell and should not reproduce. We don’t want more high squatters. There are plenty already.

“I hear you, man. I can’t stand them either. I don’t want to sound prejudiced, but I think those guys have a ton of work to do before they reach the level of full squatters like me. We squat full. We Gods,” said Mr. PermaBulk and hit his chest gorilla style a few times.

I hear you, man. Please, tell me about the proper squat stance. What do you think is the perfect position for maximum power.

“Listen to me very carefully. I am about to drop some sick barbell wisdom on you. You don’t want your stance to be too narrow or too wide,” said Mr. PermaBulk and looked at me with a facial expression that could mean only one thing – I was supposed to treat Mr. PermaBulk as if he was wiser than Confucius.

Nice try, Mr. PermaBulk, but I think I will take it from here.

I understand that technique is very important for injury prevention, but those barbell wizards are trying to complicate powerlifting way too much in order to feel superior to others and feed their egos.

Truth be told, bad form is often the result of ego slavery rather than technique incompetence.

You can try to make everything as complicated as you want, but at the end of the day, a squat is just a squat.

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One comment

  1. Alan

    Why don’t you spend less time making fun of this guy and give people some actual advice about not over complicating the squat? I was waiting for you to refute some of the points or give your expert opinion on the subject but instead you just sound butthurt and insecure.

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