I have an extended experience on the love battlefield. I’ve done every form of pickup – online dating, cold approaches of strangers, warm approaches of former and present co-workers…etc.
I’ve accumulated such a lengthy track record of rejections that sometimes I would be doing a mundane task and a long-forgotten date would resurrect into my memory. As some of you know, I even wrote a fiction book describing many of my “love” stories which left me kinda empty forever.
Lately, I’ve put this battle on hold as I have no desire to accumulate more anguish. But an e-mail from a reader inspired me to share my views on the basic red pill formula for getting women, namely – holding frame + lifting weights.
Part 1: Holding Frame – Does it Work?
First, let’s explain what “frame” and “holding frame” mean as not everyone is familiar with those notions.
Think of a bicycle. Even if you don’t ride one, you probably know that the triangular piece in the middle is the frame.
The frame of a bicycle is its heart and determines its use. For example, mountain bikes and road bikes have very different frame geometry enhancing each riding style.
A broken frame makes a bicycle unusable as the entire machine loses its composure.
Your frame from a behavioral and societal viewpoint consists of principles, ideas, beliefs, desires…etc.
When you forego any of those to subsidize the desires of a woman, you are “breaking frame” and accommodating to hers.
Examples of breaking frame:
1. You are on a date. She wants to see a 3D movie, but you have no desire to do so because you work as a graphic designer, and your eyes hurt from spending days in front of the monitor. Moreover, you don’t want to burn money on tickets as you are unsure whether she won’t ghost you (disappear) afterward. Nonetheless, you fold and go to the cinema with her. You pay too.
2. You ask a woman to go out with you. She agrees but insists on meeting on a specific day since she is “super busy” and cannot fit you anywhere else.
The offer does not work for you because you have an important conference and a back workout on that day, but to please her, you wake up at five in the morning to do your training and reschedule the business meeting.
3. You are in a park with a woman. You like the atmosphere and the fresh air. But she isn’t happy and wants to go clubbing. You hate clubs because they’re too loud but go with her and even pay for her drinks.
4. A woman likes Games of Thrones. You think that the show is stupid but don’t reveal your position and watch it with her.
How do you “hold frame”?
By preserving the structural composure of your life, worldviews and your overall code of conduct under external pressure.
If you don’t want to watch movies, you don’t.
If you don’t want to drink wine, you don’t drink wine.
If you have to sacrifice too much to meet a woman, you tell her that you can’t make it even if that ends the interaction.
If a woman binds to beliefs that are the polar opposite of yours, you don’t acclimate to her ideas.
The frame effect is not limited solely to romantic communication. It manifests in every human interaction. For example, if you go back to a store to return a purchased item, your frame meets that of the shop owner. When a kid wants a new toy, its frame faces that of his parents.
What effect does frame holding have on a woman?
By holding frame, you’re signaling that you value yourself enough not to bend under the pressure of other people’s wishes. This is a demonstration of strength, manliness and domination – traits that women appreciate due to biological wiring.
In addition, men who maintain their frames show a willingness to walk away. And as we all know – people want what they cannot have. If something comes too easily to you, you take it for granted and quickly lose interest.
Many men increase the flexibility of their frame to the maximum while gullibly hoping that women will see their sacrifice as a gesture of love and respond favorably to it. But the common woman disagrees, not with her words but with her actions, and classifies sacrificial men as weak and easy. When you do everything she wants, the absence of a challenge pushes her away.
To take advantage of this principle, the red pill community advises men to wake up the alpha in them.
Does “frame holding” even work?
Yes and no.
Looking back at my own experiences, I can dig out situations when I would fail to hold my frame and get punished for it almost instantaneously. I can also find moments when I would be a rock and elevate the interest in me through stoic behavior.
Still, I wouldn’t declare “frame holding” as the secret to getting women for the following reason – it modulates attraction but does not synthesize it.
If a woman is not attracted to you in the first place, she won’t even give you an opportunity to demonstrate your frame holding abilities.
The first step is to qualify for a date. How does this happen? What are the critical factors?
1. Presence. If you don’t put yourself out there, a woman will not come to you unless you are a high-value male a.k.a. a Chad.
2. Looks. If a woman does not like you physically, there’s a very high chance that she will reject you or throw you in the so-called friend zone – an act of soft rejection combined with exploitation.
3. Money + status. Women would rarely if ever tell you that they love gold, but their actions in its presence will reveal all that you need to know. Just replace your bicycle with an expensive car, and you’ll see a whole new world.
Once you’ve passed through the filters above, you get to play for the cup. But the road to the podium is longer.
The higher your score is on the looks and wealth scale, the least you need the red pill tactics. Ironically, the more attractive you are, the more effective the teachings become.
A good-looking, tall man with a high-paying job instantly derives dividends from exhibiting alpha traits even if he’s faking them. The same cannot be said about average or below average men who neither have copious amounts of money nor a celebrity status.
When she is not attracted to you and/or does not see you as a valuable resource, frame holding loses an exponential percentage of its power as it multiplies a lower score.
You can also look at this concept from the following perspective – a joke said by a fat woman may make you laugh, but it won’t magically render her hot, would it?
The Effects of Behavioral Changes Are Overrated
The idea that a man can attract all kinds of women by altering his behavior is flawed and doesn’t take into account physical attraction and social ranks.
It’s tempting to believe that a few tweaks of your texting and overall attitude can deliver monumental results, but that is no different than expecting to become as big as a steroid-loaded man by doing squats.
Very often we blame our failure to hold frame for the lack of results, but more often than not, the problem is that we don’t rank high on the pillars of attraction [looks + money].
Yet some teachers will hide that piece of knowledge from you and convince you through manipulation that the only reason for your demise is your negative attitude and “improper” actions in the presence of a woman. They do it to keep you in their school.
You Can’t Hold Frame 24/7
Sooner or later, you’ll drop the ball. It happens to everyone regardless of what the online reports say. Weak moments are inevitable. If a woman leaves the second you underperform, she was never with you in the first place. How much could she love you if she disappears when you stop behaving like an alpha robot with no feelings?
If anything, this is a great test for her. If she helps you when you’re down, you may’ve found a unicorn.
Part 2: Lifting Weights
Body sculpting could have a beneficial effect on your dating performance. Many fatsos become handsome upon the extra lard covering their chins. Muscle mass helps too. Women like it even though they often claim otherwise.
But the effect of lifting weights is more limited than advertised.
One of the women that hurt me has a very attractive female friend – easily 9/10. That ultra-beautiful girl is now dating an ultra-skinny guy who could easily classify as anorexic. I’m an ectomorph, but I wasn’t as skinny as him even in my high school days. The guy’s calves are literally bigger than his quads. He has no chest, and it’s a mystery whether he even eats.
And yet this externally pretty princess is with him. Why?
Four explanations come to mind:
1. He has an attractive face.
I don’t like the guy at all, but I cannot deny that he has a solid facial ensemble going on.
2. He is crazy.
The social media of this dude paints him as one of those art guys who take photos of the weirdest objects on the planet. For example, he has a picture of him with the skull of an animal.
But when you are that hot, women consider similar features mysterious rather than creepy.
3. He is unpredictable.
Women love a guy who keeps them on their toes all the time. That’s what they call a “thrill”.
Boring nice dudes who are always on time and with flowers in the hands are boring and annoying. Women hate them with a passion. Female love seems to be reserved for hot psychos. That skinny brah embodies that trait too.
4. He is tall.
90% of the women I’ve met through apps have asked me how tall I am before the meeting. Women are obsessed with the classic couple silhouette and want a man who towers them even when they wear heels.
What does this tell us? There are physical characteristics that women value more than big biceps.
What are those? Face, frame, height…etc.
Having said that, the aforementioned skinny brah is not pulling hot girls because of his physique but in spite of it. If he was to bulk up and acquire a healthier body while maintaining his low body fat percentage and psychopathic exhibitionism, he will likely do even better. But I guess he doesn’t have to.
Frame Holding + Weights Cannot Fix a Broken Society [summary]
Learning how to maintain a strong composure (frame) even when you instinctively want to satisfy the demands of a woman that you like could be a very useful skill.
The same applies to lifting weights. An upgrade from the body of a World of Warcraft addict to that of a strong brah will improve your health, confidence and even looks.
But none of those can fix the broken society that you exist in. The Red Pill is a response to the state of misery, but it’s not a universal fix as it attacks the symptoms of the problem. The Red Pill may be changing the meta, but it’s not changing the game. It exists only in conjunction with the forces that it criticizes.
Furthermore, behavioral tweaks do not halt the increasing state of hypergamy that the world is reaching. To a certain extent, they enhance it as you’re molding into what women find attractive. This increases the competition baseline for everyone and solidifies the status quo. The next generation will face even harsher qualifications.
A monumental shift in society’s virtues is needed to end the virus.