I woke up with the type of heavy pressure that only a brainwashed addict can feel on a squat day. I took one of my squat T-shirts, lifting chalk to prevent the bar from sliding, cotton shorts, my good old mp3 player, a digital camera and left the apartment. I needed the last one to […]
A long time ago, during my bulking days, I read a disinformation article entitled “Bodybuilding Has Lied To You”. The main point was that you need an incredible amount of calories to get big “bodybuilding” muscles, and therefore junk food is your friend…sometimes. Naturally, this notion turned out to be false, although many people continue to believe in […]
We don’t choose many crucial factors about ourselves that ironically determine our destiny. You don’t get to select your environment and personal physical qualities such as height, gender, hair color…etc. The list is practically endless. Yet those characteristics form the reality around you. Even if something subtle about your life is changed, your destiny could shift […]
This story took place during my bulking era. I knew that it was going to be one of those days when everything is against your comfort, but I was yet to meet the full level of crazy coming my way. At the time, I was doing the poor man’s version of GOMAD, or in simpler […]
This is another story about a co-worker of mine. The guy was a metrosexual semi-delusional natural bodybuilder born with the wild spirit of a skirt chaser. Thanks to him I had an opportunity to gather insight into the brain mechanisms of those who lift primarily to increase their reproduction skills. He was always serving religiously […]
Two years ago, I had the displeasure of working with an advanced level CrossFit bitch. The experience taught me a lot about both – bitches and CrossFit. First, what’s a CrossFit bitch? A CrossFit bitch is a female specimen sharing all characteristics of a total bitch while also doing CrossFit training multiple times a week. […]
When people discuss the current Mr. Olympia, Phil Heath, I don’t think about training, muscles or aesthetics. All that comes to my mind are his juvenile posts on Instagram praising Gucci garbage and custom sneakers made for clowns. This thinking often leads me to a critical question – how does bodybuilding fit into the modern […]
Have you ever heard of planned self-damage? It’s simple – instead of lying to yourself that you will eat clean forever, you plan your fails carefully to avoid a more severe crisis. The following story happened precisely because of this principle. It was early evening. The rest of the slaves were also happy that the […]
Dedicated to the guy who sent me 29 messages entitled “How much do you squat, moron?” I was sitting at my desk, eating acne inducing food when suddenly something in me broke, and I gave up all resistance. “This is it. I am going to the gym. I want to get big.” “This is it. […]
On my way to the bus station I passed by a toilet shop with a huge window and did what many victims of the lifting game do – I started scanning my reflection for abnormal muscle development. I had to keep the scan short because people working in the store started looking at me as […]
On my way to the gym today, I decided to double fuck the industry and bought a large beer can to drink from during my sinful yet epic leg press session. Normally, I prefer pirate rum, but it’s expensive and comes in large bottles. Besides, I didn’t want to get kicked out of the gym […]
I was in the metro. A man with neanderthal facial features who appeared to be a recovering bulking victim was next to me. His face was buried in a 7-inch smartphone. I don’t know what he was reading, but it appeared to be terribly important because the guy was in a deep trance. In front […]