Here’s a rule that I made for myself as a result of my dating experience. You obviously don’t have to follow it as you should always make your own decisions. Nonetheless, some people may be interested to hear it as it comes from experience rather than imagination.
The rule is:
Always go for the kiss on the first date.
You’re probably familiar with the term “shit test”. (I don’t like using such words in my articles as profanity cheapens one’s speech, but this is the original name.)
“Shit tests” are conscious and subconscious obstacles that women throw at you to see how you will react….whether you will decompose or not.
Well, men can do the same thing.
However, basic talking is not the best form of “shit testing” from the male perspective.
Why? Because we all know that women’s words very often do not coincide with their actions.
Hence why it’s better to trigger a physical reaction from them rather than play verbal games.
A classic example would be to ask a woman out. By asking her out instead of chatting for days or weeks, you’re technically testing her interest in you by initiating a physical meeting.
If she’s remotely interested, she’ll say yes. If she isn’t, she will deny or ignore you.
The same can be done on a date.
It’s been said that people decide whether they will/would sleep with someone within seconds of seeing that person.
Or in other words, you and she both know whether there’s physical attraction seconds upon meeting.
You can decrease that attraction through poor verbal communication, but you cannot make up for it regardless of how good the conversation is.
Unless you have some ultra-deep sexy voice, you cannot create immense physical attraction through talking.
Therefore, long chatting in person doesn’t do much.
So, how do you test whether she is truly attracted to you?
By asking her? No.
You go for a kiss relatively quickly.
Obviously, doing it within minutes of meeting her is way too fast and will put her off. I’d say that 30-60 minutes are enough, though.
Most men, me included, are more likely to postpone this moment because it’s uncomfortable.
However, not going for the kiss within a timely period results in time wasting and nervousness.
What will happen?
The outcome is binary – yes or no. There’s no in-between. She will either reciprocate or not.
In either case, however, you will receive very valuable information – far more valuable than a 4-hour chat.
Case A: DENIED
One time, when I tried to kiss a woman on a date, I received a shoulder in my face.
I’m not gonna lie. I felt awkward. But looking back, it was the right move to make as her reaction immediately told me that she isn’t as attracted to me as needed for us to date.
Our interaction didn’t lead to anything even though she promised me a second date without asking her.
If you’re denied a simple kiss, chances are that the woman has already classified you as non-boyfriend/sexual partner material.
Case B: GRANTED But….
One may easily conclude that if a woman kisses you, she’s attracted to you. Well, for better or worse, this isn’t always the case.
One time, when I went for the kiss, the woman reciprocated, but I felt nothing. No passion. No nothing.
My guess is that she was reciprocating without putting a lot of meaning into it.
Nonetheless, the outcome gave me valuable insight – there was no chemistry between us.
Sitting there for five hours wouldn’t have done anything.
Case C: GRANTED + Success
In the best case scenario, she will reciprocate, and you will feel your entire being shivering.
This has happened to me only once when I met the actress (for those who’ve read A Desert in the Sky).
Kissing that woman felt like the deepest connection I’ve ever had with another female.
A kiss is deeper than people think.
Some women would have a “no strings attached sex” a.k.a. a hookup with a man but will not allow him to kiss them as they see a kiss as a “very personal act” reserved for more meaningful relationships.
It’s true. A kiss can indeed stimulate/trigger deeper emotions than monkey sex.
Thus, going for the kiss isn’t just a test for how physically attracted a woman is to you. It’s a test for compatibility.
Why not wait? Isn’t patience a virtue?
Patience may be a virtue but pointless waiting isn’t.
When you plant a seed, you wait for it to grow because you have to. The process teaches you how the world works.
Waiting in line for 10 hours technically does something similar but on a baser level and shows poor organizational skills.
Postponing the kiss attempt for next year is not an exercise in patience. It’s pointless waiting. Besides, there’s a very good chance that there won’t be another date.
If you like her, go for the kiss. See how she reacts and how you feel and take it from there.
Won’t my chances decrease if I get physical so quickly?
I don’t think so. In my opinion, this strategy simply fast forwards what will happen anyway.
Think about it logically.
Will a woman make a guy that she is really attracted to wait for a simple kiss?
I can understand if she makes him wait for sex due to religious or other views, but a kiss seems like too much of a denial for a man that she truly likes.
Should I kiss her at the end of the date?
It’s better than nothing, but it’s a bit too predictable. A little more spontaneity seems helpful in this case.
Shouldn’t I wait for her to kiss me?
Women are passive unless you’re some mega-attractive guy. It’s up to the man to initiate everything – the initial convo, the date….etc.
If you wait for a woman to do a move on you, you will be waiting for a long time…unless you’re a super hot guy.