I was doing leg presses in a fridge-sized gym resembling an underground dungeon designed by mentally ill fans of the almighty rainbow pony. The rush hour was going strong. Muscle building monkeys were dancing with dumbbells in their hands and bumping chaotically into each other. An ancient rap CD with the greatest hits of all […]
It’s hot. I have to open the window. A smell of urine mixed with beer and steak comes from the neighbor below. What is he doing? I don’t want to know. I can hear his TV. It’s blasting а popcorn morning show for individuals who are into the “Secret” – a world where you wish […]
My rebellious left hip was starting to resent the mentally ill squat ambition in me. The pain and misery from last week forced me to make the day light – no heavy lifting, just a few sets of barbell overhead presses. Rumor has it that a true permabulker cries himself to sleep when that happens. Since […]
I had an hour or two to kill and decided to visit the mall nearby. The tropical weather outside trying to set my hair on fire kinda pushed me in, to be honest. The fellow humanoids coming in and out of the polished glossy stores appeared happy and content to live a dream that somebody […]
It was only 2 o’clock in the afternoon, but I was already exhausted from hours of hard clicking on my dusty keyboard which had a few missing keys and a left CTRL button working past retirement. The repetitive motions were making it very difficult to keep my eyes open and continue this brutal keyboard exploitation. […]
A few years ago, I worked desk-to-desk with a permabulker on oral steroids. He was essentially the main slave of our boss. It was expected of him to fix all kinds of problems. The boss wants music playing in the bathroom? Find a way. The boss wants fruits in the kitchen? Go buy them. The […]
Today I saw a woman that looked perfectly fine until she decided to turn backward. There was a huge tattoo on her upper back – a wolf and a bear looking towards the sky with opened mouths. I almost lost it once this “work of art” got into my view. Was she trying to make […]
I woke up with the type of heavy pressure that only a brainwashed addict can feel on a squat day. I took one of my squat T-shirts, lifting chalk to prevent the bar from sliding, cotton shorts, my good old mp3 player, a digital camera and left the apartment. I needed the last one to […]
A long time ago, during my bulking days, I read a disinformation article entitled “Bodybuilding Has Lied To You”. The main point was that you need an incredible amount of calories to get big “bodybuilding” muscles, and therefore junk food is your friend…sometimes. Naturally, this notion turned out to be false, although many people continue to believe in […]
We don’t choose many crucial factors about ourselves that ironically determine our destiny. You don’t get to select your environment and personal physical qualities such as height, gender, hair color…etc. The list is practically endless. Yet those characteristics form the reality around you. Even if something subtle about your life is changed, your destiny could shift […]
Holidays are overrated. Why? First, you need a holiday to recover from the holiday. Second, a week is just not enough. Before you know it, you come back, restart the machine and spin the wheel for the rest of year. The holiday drama reminds me of the widely spread idea that your prom night is […]
This story took place during my bulking era. I knew that it was going to be one of those days when everything is against your comfort, but I was yet to meet the full level of crazy coming my way. At the time, I was doing the poor man’s version of GOMAD, or in simpler […]