Disclaimer: The text below is based on my experience. Some people will naturally disagree, and that’s perfectly fine. Some may even find it sociopathic. That’s ok too. We are not on Reddit or whatever. It’s my site. I write the way I want here.
I have developed the following set of rules for first dates:
1. Protect yourself
This is the number one rule and is expressed in several different layers.
Physical Safety
The first one is physical safety. Women tend to think that a “guy has nothing to worry about” when going on a date. I’ve been told that to my face. They believe that only a woman can get hurt.
I disagree strongly. Of course, women can get hurt but so can a man.
What if she has a weapon? A gun doesn’t discriminate.
What if you schedule a date with a girl only to get attacked by three men when you arrive there? What are you going to do? Rambo your way out? Let’s be serious.
What if the girl puts something in your drink? I am not joking. This can happen.
What if the girl is very hot, invites you over, and there you get robbed or much worse?
NEVER forget that being a man does not make you invulnerable like women believe.
Here are some basic guidelines:
- Make sure that you aren’t talking to fake people. If the information that you have is not sufficient, demand more. If they refuse, bounce.
- Never agree to meet in some weird neighborhood no matter how horny you are. (Break the no-fap streak if that’s what’s necessary to think straight again.)
- Do not agree to weird offers. (I will leave that to your imagination.)
- Arrive early and examine the perimeter. Is the location being monitored by weird people?
Finance
The second point of defense is your hard-earned money. There’s nothing wrong with investing money into your wife or long-term girlfriend.
But if it’s a first date, you owe her nothing despite what the alpha-wannabes will say. (“Oh…you must pay because you invited her.”)
I guess that you don’t want to be the guy who pays 200 bucks for a nice dinner only to get ghosted, right? Well, here’s how to avoid that.
Don’t go to a dinner/lunch/brunch. Instead, go for a walk in the park (if the weather is nice) or to a café.
This alone eliminates a lot of financial burden.
If you 100% do not like the girl and/or she 100% does not like you, DO NOT pay for her stuff even if it’s just one basic coffee.
If the above conditions are met, and she “doesn’t make a move for her wallet”, pay only your half and leave. You didn’t sign a written contract that you should cover her part, did you? Then, you can leave.
If you like her but do not know 100% if she does or does not reciprocate your feelings, then it’s fine to cover her part too. But if she makes a move for her wallet, let her pay for her stuff.
If you like her, but you know 100% that you will get ghosted afterward, DO NOT pay for her end.
I feel zero guilt teaching you this for the following reason – in 99% of the cases, there won’t be a second date whether you pay or not.
That’s a mega fact.
Proof?
Plenty of guys spend tons of money on a first date only to get humiliated. In some cases, women even brag about how much they’ve extracted from you.
Bonus Tip: Before the date, make sure that you have all kinds of bill denominations and some coins. Why? You want to be flexible in case you have to do some math when paying.
The above could make me sound cheap, but I don’t care. I’ve experienced my fair share of first-date exploitation. I’m hardened. Complain to someone who would listen.
Ultimately, it’s not about the money. It’s about principles.
Time & Energy
Another asset that you have to protect is your time and energy. Both are connected. Time without energy is nothing and so is energy without time.
The principle below has proven 100% true in my life. I stay behind it:
A long date DOES NOT equal a second date.
I can give you examples from my life but want this article to be short.
I repeat: A long date DOES NOT equal a second date.
You can have a 3-hour date with a woman filled with laughter and pleasantries and yet still get ghosted.
I make it my mission to end the date before she does. If she ends the date first, it means I stayed too long.
The more you stay, the more time you waste and the less mysterious you appear. You don’t want her to get tired of you on the first date.
So, what do I do?
I limit my first dates to 20 minutes. It’s a bit extreme, but it’s enough time to learn about her and for her to learn about me. (If you’re going to a coffee shop, the walk to the establishment is not included in those 20 minutes.)
If she likes me and I like her, we can always go on another date. Remember – this is supposed to be the beginning. If all is well, you will see her soon anyway.
2. Be Strategically Passive During The First Half of The Date
During the initial phase, I try to remain calm and collected. My goal is to determine how she feels about me from the get-go.
I don’t try to immediately impress her or depress her by being negative. I just stay in the middle and observe calmly.
You get better with time. The key is to remain calm. Do not feel guilty that you aren’t fully on. Just keep the small talk small and observe.
As the saying goes, the quieter you become, the more you can hear.
If she is giving you too much heat, don’t ignore it.
I don’t subscribe to the idea that one can change a woman’s mind with words and basic tricks.
If she inherently does not like you, there is little you can do. In other words, the vast majority of attraction is pre-determined.
You can amplify it slightly with the right behavior but never create it. It’s either there or it isn’t for the most part.
If I detect that she does not like me, I simply end the date softly. (e.g., “I have to meet some colleagues later…etc.”)
How do you know that she doesn’t like you?
1. Observe her body language.
If she is not walking calmly next to you and is “speeding”, she is not feeling it and wants to get away from you.
Ideally, she will be walking right next to you, matching your pace. If she is rushing, something is off.
To the outside world, you should appear comfortable together.
Make eye contact with her periodically and observe her reaction. If she likes you, you will find softness in her face. If she doesn’t, you will see her muscles move unnaturally (she is trying to hide a negative grimace.)
2. Constant tests
When a woman is uncertain about you, she will start making claims meant to destabilize you.
For example, if she thinks that you are anti-social, she will ask questions such as “Where do you go with your friends?”.
If she is wondering whether your social status is high enough for her, she will ask questions such as “Can you drive a car?” which translates to “What kind of car do you drive?” to determine your social rank.
More questions of that nature equal lower interest and greater uncertainty. If she is into you, you will not feel under so much pressure.
Once I’ve determined how she feels about me, I simply end the date whether my findings are positive or not after 10 more minutes.
Sometimes a woman would seem somewhat irritated that I ended the date so quickly. However, that is never a negative.
If she is feeling positive about you, you will amplify her attraction by leaving her wanting more.
If she does not like you, then nothing matters anyway.
When should I reach back to her?
In my nicest phase, I would text her something like “Home?” right after the date to show interest.
Today, I no longer do that and see it as pointless and weak. Instead, I wait for 24-48 hours after the date and drop her a simple text.
Sometimes I may send her a photo related to one of my hobbies (the photo does not include me).
If she continues to express interest through text (i.e. asking questions about me), I will soon offer another date. If her replies are dry, short, and uninterested, I don’t bother to offer another date (no need to inflate her self-esteem).
If I have no desire to pursue her or know for a fact that she is too cold towards me, I simply block her.
I know that this may sound a bit too abrupt, but I have found out that blocking is better in the long run because you are no longer reminded of that person’s existence.
If you remain friends online, you will constantly see her. As a result, she will continue to occupy space in your brain that she does not deserve.
If she refuses to meet again regardless of my attraction estimates, I block her right away too.
I don’t say anything insulting. I simply block her. At first, blocking her will be painful, but in a day or two, you will feel better and know that you’ve made the right call.
FAQ: What if my goal is to have sex with her rather than a second date and a potential relationship?
I am not the biggest fan of casual sex for reasons that are out of this post’s scope.
But if that’s your goal, the standard behavior is to offer her to “watch movies” at hers or your place. By this point, everybody knows that “movies” are a code word for sex.
If she agrees, your chances of having sex with her are almost 100%.
However, keep in mind that even if she agrees to go home with you and the act happens, ghosting is still very likely.
I know that this sounds weird, but it is a fact. This happens because her decision is more than likely impulsive and tomorrow she may feel different about you and the entire situation.
I have no interest in dealing with women who have zero long-term interest in me, and thus I end my first dates without similar offers.
The only real indication that a woman has real interest in you would be future dates. If that’s not on the table, she never truly liked you.
Bonus Tips
Do not agree to go to a place that you don’t like. Ever.
You don’t have to wear expensive clothing, but your clothes have to be intact and clean. I recommend having a set of shoes/sneakers that you wear specifically for dates. A set of nice shoes can make a basic outfit look awesome. I like the look of white sneakers.
She will lie to you about many things. Do not take everything that she says for granted. For example, she may say “It would be lovely to meet you again!” and hug you after the date without ever intending to even talk to you anymore.
Do not fantasize too much about what you could’ve done differently if nothing comes out. I guarantee you 100%, that we often emphasized details that were never game-changers, to begin with.
Truthseeker what do you think of this bulk? Do you consider it successful? Or has he become a fatso?
https://www.reddit.com/r/nattyorjuice/comments/qe2mo1/this_is_what_is_achievable_as_natty/
It’s a total fail. The guy has a ton of fat on him. He may have to lose something like 30kg to get lean.
He is now stuck with those fat cells for life. Meaning, they will shrink when he cuts, but never disappear and it will be easier for him to get fat in the future.
Also his hormones are probably total garbage (high estrogen, low T).
His insulin sensitivity is garbage too.
Yeah but that all can be fixed.
Despite your initial disclaimer, I found this as pretty sound and realistic dating advice, especially the 99% rejection rate part. Unless you are some super rare “Jack of All Trades” guy (extremely good looks, smart, rich, charismatic and confident personality, etc) it is highly unlikely to go beyond a first date these times, and even those who are 8/10 or above can get rejected due to the most ridiculous and flimsy reasons.
Good to see you posting again after so long BTW. I hope that you are doing well.
If it’s highly unlikely to go beyond a first date then why go at all?
For the same reason why most people usually go to many interviews when looking for a job for the first time despite their rejection rate is also high. The fact that, for example, 8 out of 10 can end in failure (either because you don’t meet the employer’s usually idealized expectations, or because their job offer/conditions turn out to be disappointing and you are the one who does the rejecting), doesn’t mean that you can’t find something good in the remaining ones.
In my original comment I didn’t mean to say that we should fall in despair without even trying. My point (and I believe also Truth Seeker’s one) is that we have to be aware that dating can be a long, frustrating and difficult process, so it is important to develop a thick skin against rejection and avoid getting too desperate because it can lead to serious mistakes.
Thank you very much. You were going to upload a routine with a dumbbell to do at home. Do you still have that idea? Greetings from Uruguay
Maestro…gracias…no dejes de publicar, sobre todo relacionado al levantamiento…gracias…
I met a girl, a couple of years older than me. We were about to make a work for a college’s subject, and she asked me all kind of questions. Like she showed real interest in me. But suddenly, she ghosted me. I don’t know what happened. I asume it was because I was to oppened to her, maybe she Lost the interest. But it was something so strange, that it really got me thinking about women, and why they act the way they do.
I think most guys (including myself) have a story like yours lol.
Most likely she had some unrealistic or idealized expectations about you that you didn’t meet, or maybe you mistook her naturally friendly personality for romantic interest when there wasn’t any and you tried some “move” that freaked her out.
In any case, keep in mind that in this age most of the time getting ghosted is not your fault. If a woman is receptive to you, take for granted that she has hordes of other men after her in all fronts (especially if she is young and has good looks), so it’s easy for them to get overwhelmed or become too picky about who they should spend time with.
Thats the thing. She doesn’t have a friendly personality. She is very lonely. She doesn’t talk with anybody. I was the only guy who she talked to. And the questions she asked me were all about me (what books do I read, what music do I like, what movies do I watch), also, I wrote a poem (as a hobby), I sent her, and she replied with a heart in whatsapp. More so, once she suggested we could go to museums, or theaters. But then, suddenly, she ghosted me.
Now, about a couple of months after that, I talked to her again, and she was very kind, and I invited to the cinema as my first date (she doesn’t know is gonna be my first date). However, I’m worries that she can ghost me again. I dont’t know what she did that. I remember, in one ocasion, she told me she has ADHD, maybe thats why but I’m not sure.
She is phyiscally attractive but not that attractive, and I’m a decent looking guy (not by social media standards, but by real life standards), so I don’t think we are uneven in terms of looks and height.
I’m sorry about my english,
I noticed there are some grammatical errors
Glad to know that she didn’t really ghost you for good after all.
From what you tell about her and about yourself (you come accross to me as an introverted guy with introspective interests) , you might have a chance with her. Just don’t try too hard to impress her in this phase and avoid being a nice guy/simp because that is often the easiest way to kill romantic attraction and fall into a friendzone forever. Like Truthseeker says, you have to keep your cool and “dose” your interactions with her until you are convinced she is really into you (and that she is a right match for your personality and lifestyle).
In any case, I wish you the best in your first date. Let yourself to see where this leads and enjoy it while it lasts.
Truth, have you ever been on a second date? (Seriously)
Unironically I will have my official first date with the same girl lol. I talked to hear a couple of days ago, and she was so kind to me, it really surprises me. We’ll go to the theater in a couple of weeks. She like art, and Wes Anderson movies. I don’t know man, I felt so good the moment we talked, but now I’m worried to get ghosted after our first date.
SOME men have tried the opposite tact.
Just be a total asshole on the dates. They note, accurately, that often the best looking women are treated the worst by their mates. This seems to work.
An attractive women has men fawning over her all the time. To you, she’s worthless. This isn’t a strategy to find a wife, but to find a FB/GF.
From what I have understood, you are located in Eastern Europe, TruthSeeka. It seems feminism has moved very quickly into your neck of the woods. For what it’s worth, I am sorry about this. The rest of the world is wrong to be imitating the USA in all things.
That’s the best way. Some women actually find that refreshing.
The truth is that, being the world’s ultimate superpower that it still is (and it doesn’t seem that will change anytime soon despite its cringe cultural drift), most of the Western world has imitated the USA one way or another for decades.
Unfortunately, it also tends to do it in their godawful and dystopian trends (wokism, scientism, superficiality, etc).
Thank you for your words Jose. You are right. I’m an introvert. I hope everything will be ok. She is introvert too, from what I’ve noticed. Her personality is very similar to Jesse Pinkman’s girlfriend. I will take your advice about not try to impress her too much, but also, I don’t know how Will I keep her interest after the first date.
Time to make a part 2 of the 2000 rejections post. I think you’ve built up 5 parts so far.
Excellent post though should’ve done this on my date 2 weeks ago and the date from January. Oh well life is a game that we must suffer from and learn.
The bacteria that causes cavities, once it reaches the brain causes demmentia. Govs know it and eliminates its targets through poison. Once you develop demmentia, the damages in the brain allow your admigdala to proccess all the information in universe but the proccess damages the Qbit of the underground computer that is God. It damages it so much that transferring all the data to a new host becomes impossible, rendering you autist for the rest of eternity, unless you are dissolved in acid unmaking the enthropy. Pedojoe Biden has demmentia, he is going to be reincarnated in Antoñito, the grandson of Concepción Torres Marquez. The fucking Potus Chris Evans is in reality Rafael Martínez Silva and his girlfriend Scarlett Johansson is Margarita Dumitru, they should be executed by mosquitoes before that mfucker reaches power. The mother of Rafael/Evans is Araceli/Maite Fernández Amiano shes going to reincarnate in a male rumanian gypsy. Seriously erradicate Chris Evans from earth send all the mosquitoes, he is going to be POTUS, fuck the Grey, and fuck pussyfer/Joe Biden, hes a whore with female mental genre, the cocksucker of Elon Muks.
Is Truth from eastern europe and does he have thoughts on travel or “passport bros”? I know from older posts he realizes that without a society that is at least respectful of God and tradition, you won’t get good women. I think the better characteristics tend to go hand in hand that make for better women, which is less wealth and more dependence on men for your life. Notice that the west has none of these things.
I personally know all sorts of very successful men, who aren’t ugly, are tall even, but I don’t see very many women who are young or fit that want relationships until they are too old or jaded. Guys don’t work for decades for that kind of return (none).
Why even bother dating at all? It’s too exhausting and women, for the most part, are goofy. They don’t have a clue.
No woman you would actually be attracted to will be into you unless you are top 5% guy and even then she will eventually get bored and leave and destroy you financially and emotionally in the process. Do not get serious with a woman and always protect yourself. Most men won’t need that advice because they will never even have a conversation let alone a date with one. The days of average men landing a good, attractive woman are long gone.