Harry TheBicepsFlexKilla unracked the rusty barbell and entered a state of complete concentration. He was no longer hearing the rhythmic sounds of the cardio machines tortured by permacutting bunnies in black legging pants. The infantile screams of the polished gym brahs wearing oversized or undersized tank tops were muted too. It was just him and […]
Excruciating pain woke up Harry TheBicepsFlexKilla in the middle of a sizzling summer night. The suffering was incredibly intense. Harry felt as if the Grim Reaper was laughing out loud while drilling a hole in his poor human head. The barbarous sensation was spreading through his lower teeth too. It felt like somebody was tightening […]
Bodybuilding thongs on the bed, steroid needles on the night stand, used bottles of testosterone on the ground, Viagra and a plastic trophy on the book shelves – this was the hotel room of Riki Pianola, a middle-aged heavyweight bodybuilder. After taking a shower Riki stared at his reflection in the mirror and began contemplating […]
This story took place during the summer of my high school graduation. I was in the living room, looking for wisdom in old magazines when my old hammer-proof phone started ringing. The wooden table was vibrating along with it. “Hello! Who is it?” “H! I am calling on behalf of advertising agency CreativeSolutions. We have […]
Summertime. Harry TheBicepsFlexKilla was working as a waiter in a luxury restaurant. It was a seasonal well-paying job which he’d found on a popular site. At the beginning, it was nothing but a fairy tale – a clean restaurant, an unusually polite manager and good tips from the customers. However, there were two major downsides. […]
Harry TheBicepsFlexKilla decided to measure his arms – they were barely 13.5 inches in circumference. The tape was loose, and he only had the courage to evaluate his dominant arm. “A sad, sorrowful day. The other one is probably under 13 inches,” thought Harry. Tears began accumulating in his eyes; heavy melancholy surrounded and started […]
I was doing leg presses in a fridge-sized gym resembling an underground dungeon designed by mentally ill fans of the almighty rainbow pony. The rush hour was going strong. Muscle building monkeys were dancing with dumbbells in their hands and bumping chaotically into each other. An ancient rap CD with the greatest hits of all […]
My rebellious left hip was starting to resent the mentally ill squat ambition in me. The pain and misery from last week forced me to make the day light – no heavy lifting, just a few sets of barbell overhead presses. Rumor has it that a true permabulker cries himself to sleep when that happens. Since […]
I had an hour or two to kill and decided to visit the mall nearby. The tropical weather outside trying to set my hair on fire kinda pushed me in, to be honest. The fellow humanoids coming in and out of the polished glossy stores appeared happy and content to live a dream that somebody […]
It was only 2 o’clock in the afternoon, but I was already exhausted from hours of hard clicking on my dusty keyboard which had a few missing keys and a left CTRL button working past retirement. The repetitive motions were making it very difficult to keep my eyes open and continue this brutal keyboard exploitation. […]
A few years ago, I worked desk-to-desk with a permabulker on oral steroids. He was essentially the main slave of our boss. It was expected of him to fix all kinds of problems. The boss wants music playing in the bathroom? Find a way. The boss wants fruits in the kitchen? Go buy them. The […]
I woke up with the type of heavy pressure that only a brainwashed addict can feel on a squat day. I took one of my squat T-shirts, lifting chalk to prevent the bar from sliding, cotton shorts, my good old mp3 player, a digital camera and left the apartment. I needed the last one to […]