As you already know, I used to approach women. The process left me emotionally scarred.
As expected, the pain was the greatest “the day after the fall”.
I shared my suffering with others in expectation of understanding, but I never got it. In fact, the opposite happened. I was ridiculed, criticized, and turned into a villain. I got banned on a handful of online places due to my “misogynistic tendencies.”
I was told that what I was doing was immoral and a scam.
The accusations were false, and I can explain why in a very simple manner.
What is approaching women?
If you ask the professional pick-up artists, they will tell you that this is the manliest and most alpha conquest that you can begin.
If you ask feminists, they will tell you that approach is harassment and a modern display of misogyny (hatred towards women) based on objectification.
If you ask your grandparents, they will look at you as if you’ve forgotten to take your pills.
I will use a more neutral definition:
Approaching is simply the act of presenting yourself to a woman with the idea of eventually going on a romantic date with her. The woman can be a stranger or someone that you already know.
Is Approaching Women Immoral?
In general, approaching women is neither good nor bad by itself. It’s your intent and behavior that could render it immoral.
A while back, I read a forum comment written by a man who was allegedly borrowing BMWs and then presenting himself as a music industry magnate with one goal in mind – to sleep with his dates and then bounce.
His rationalization was simple. If women sleep with him on the first date solely because he is flashing money at them, they are unofficial prostitutes and deserve what they get.
Obviously, similar strategies are immoral and will rarely if ever give the beginning to something meaningful.
Why? Because it’s all based on deception.
However, the approach/interaction isn’t immoral. The lies that people fill it with are.
If you approach women while being as honest as possible but not more than necessary, I don’t think that approaching is immoral.
After all, you’re simply presenting yourself to a woman and communicating with her.
Since when is this a crime?
Have I lied during an approach? Honestly, I can’t recall saying a lie. I’m not saying that I haven’t lied. I just don’t remember.
What I do no know with great certainty, however, is that I never presented myself as someone I’m not.
The next important part is the intent.
If you approach women with the intent to play them, then your objective would color the act of approaching immoral.
A while back, a woman that I know met someone online. She started chatting with him…things were going great…they went on a date….etc.
Eventually, she saw him with a baby stroller and another woman in the city center. The baby is his.
A situation like this could wrongfully lead someone to the conclusion that online communication is immoral. It isn’t. People are.
Roosh V and Approaching
Most of you are familiar with Roosh V. I wasn’t following the guy during his “game prime”, but I read articles from him later on. I know that now he is a Christian and criticizes “game”.
In one of his newest articles, he states that God protects good women from game. Or in other words, if you are the BMW guy from the example above, God will hide all “non-corrupted” women from you because you’re trash.
Is this really true?
Yes and no.
First, if a woman is truly super-virtuous, the chances that she will fall for a “fake game guy” who just wants to sleep with her are smaller because she knows better.
However, this is a one-dimensional conclusion.
One could also make the argument, that God may allow the “fake game guy” to reach those women to test their faith and value system.
One could also argue that if God protects women from “immoral game”, then God would also help men who run “moral game” meet “good women”.
Or in other words, God will push the good women towards a man who has honest game.
My experience doesn’t match this reasoning. My goal has always been to find a good woman and love her. I’ve always been me during my approaches and dates. The women that responded to my honest game were the same corrupted souls that my honesty was supposed to push away.
Why didn’t God hide the corrupt women from me and give me the good ones?
The answer is somewhat complex:
1. Life teaches you through suffering.
For better or worse, a man improves through pain. All those nasty experiences create a stimulus (just like training) which then elicits an immune system response that builds you up.
Of course, the weight has to be within your limits. If it’s too heavy, it will just break you.
So far, I’ve been able to recover. I look back at those events and feel as if they’d happened in another life. That’s a sign that a time-based scar has formed.
Having said that, I still have to deal with the problems I had prior to beginning the search. But now I have PTSD too.
(I realize that this paragraph opens a long theme, but I can’t cover it in this post without going off-topic too much.)
2. The Environment
Honestly, I don’t think that Roosh V has failed to find a good woman because he was an “evil game guy.”
I haven’t read all his articles, and I probably won’t agree with him on all points, but in the ones that I’ve read, he is disarmingly honest. I seriously doubt he was the predator that his critics paint him as.
I also don’t think that his lack of faith was the reason for not finding that precious woman.
Because you don’t have to be a believer to meet the one, get married, have sex and procreate.
How do I know that?
I just look around. People who are far away from God than Roosh V has ever been have families.
All kinds of dirtbags get to experience female attention and procreate despite being sinful as hell.
What does this fact tell you?
That you don’t have to be a pure believer (in any religion) to “get girls”.
In my humble opinion, the main reason why Roosh V hasn’t succeeded was fate + the environment.
We live in a word that isn’t conducive to strong, healthy relationships.
The world/society isn’t raising people in the way needed for a healthy union to form and thrive.
Consequently, the family unit has been degraded and destroyed.
3. Correlation or causation?
A while back I listened to a podcast of a recently converted Christian. The man said something that stood with me.
Upon embracing the faith, he started meeting men who have amazing families (great wives and many children). Prior to his conversion, he’d been convinced that this was a rarity.
This could lead someone to the conclusion that religion always results in a miracle of this magnitude.
But could this really happen? Are those happy families the direct product of faith?
I can’t tell with 100% certainty, obviously.
What do I know, however, is that there are plenty of men who are very devoted believers, and yet they don’t get the same rewards.
To me, the explanation of this phenomenon is simpler, and I will use the world of sports to illustrate it.
As you know, many basketball players are quite tall. In fact, they’re taller than 99% of the population.
Are they tall because they play basketball? No. They play basketball because they’re tall.
The same principle may apply in this situation. People who’ve had the luck to build such wonderful families are likely to have an interest in religion.
Can God Find Me/You a Girlfriend?
Yes, of course, He can. But the better question is – will He?
God has the capacity to do whatever he wants. However, before all, He wants you to find Him. And this result does not always necessitate a girlfriend.
One could even argue that a girlfriend would take you/me away from God because we would worship her instead of Him as most modern men do.
We live in a world where female attention has become the God of many men.
Most men unknowingly shape their existence in a way that serves women.
E.g., Why do men have social media? You can lie to yourself that “it’s just to chat with people” and stuff like that, but if women were to evaporate from social media men would follow before tomorrow morning.
Another very important question is – how will you find your girlfriend if you never create opportunities?
Even if this outcome is in God’s plans, you can’t expect Him to synthesize her for you and teleport her in your room. She has to be a person with a past and come out of somewhere.
It’s up to the seeker to create an opening. As they say – help yourself and God will help you.
Approaching is a legit way to orchestrate such a situation. I’m not saying that it’s the best way, but it’s a real one.
Why I No Longer Approach?
I quit not because I consider the activity immoral but because it has a very low success rate and takes too much out of me. I simply don’t like it nor can I recommend it given what happened to me.