The world wants me to succeed really bad. Wherever I look, I see articles introducing me to the hacks of the elite. I don’t know why the mainstream media loves me so much, but let’s be thankful for a second. It’s Christmas after all.

You don’t understand what I am talking about. It’s simple, brah. Just listen.

The other day I was looking for a way to become a multi-millionaire. It has always been on my to-do list, but something has been preventing me from making it happen for a few decades.

Luckily, THEY have my BACK.

So, what did I do?

I typed: “how to become a multi-millionaire” in Google.

The machine gracefully displayed many available blueprints for success. I told you they love me.

The one that got my attention was a post that sounded a little something like this – 5 Habits of The Highly Successful Entrepreneurs.

The original title may be different, but I am too lazy to check back. Do it yourself, bro. I never said it will be easy.

So, what did they tell me?

They gave me the keys.

Here they are:

1.Wake up early.

I never knew that all insomniacs are millionaires, but it makes total sense now. They have so much time to work on their business ideas.

2. Work hard

Never thought of that either, but I guess this is why coal miners are not millionaires. It has nothing to do with the very basis of capitalism. They are simply spending too little time underground. If only they were drilling for 18 instead of 16 hours, they would all be driving Ferraris to the mine.

3. Don’t waste time.

Another shocking revelation. Never occurred to me that spending your day playing Solitaire does not lead to the acquisition of a money printer.

4. Want success like you want to breathe.

Damn. This really hit home. Kinda weird but fits nicely into the puzzle. Suffocation must be a great mentor, teacher and motivator.

5. Never give up

This really sealed the deal. Do you know how many times I have been in the process of becoming a multi-millionaire but quit 2 seconds too early? I won’t do it again.

TIME TO PAY IT FORWARD

Now that I am about to become a multi-millionaire, I want to reveal a secret to you – the five most important habits of successful bodybuilders.

I will present the steps necessary for mutating into a muscular monstrosity.

No, I am not doing it out of the goodness of my heart. I am doing it to collect good karma and catalyze the transportation of more coins into my pocket.

This text is for real motherfuckers – not losers who will leave the gymnasium and abandon their dreams whenever McDonald’s offers them a job.

Listen and follow, pupils.

The habits below are ultra-effective. They can work for bodybuilders with the worst genetics (e.g., Omar Isuf, Lyle McDonald, Mark Rippetoe, Jason Blaha…etc.) and turn them into men illustrating T-Nation with their gracious musculatures.

HABIT 1: STEROIDS & GROWTH HORMONE

Ingredients necessary for mutation

Popular choices: Testosterone, Trenbolone, Masteron, Human growth hormone.

To become a successful bodybuilder, you have to take steroids. Those are special drugs that enhance the natural synthesis of protein within the body. The result is a thick musculature normally located on skeletons carrying the “fuck-me-now-physique”.

Every bodybuilder that has ever been on a cover and alive at the same time, is/was on steroids. Those are the power ingredients behind the magic.

The highly successful bodybuilders take a variety of drugs. The test only cycles are for TRT warriors and shadow pinners who want to impress their local gym inhabited by retards. Real bodybuilders take more, a lot more. Arguments such as “but some have great genetics” do not apply here. From the king to the peasant, everyone takes dinosaur approved quantities of muscle synthesizing drugs.

Most pros rarely go off. They will not reduce their drug intake unless their doctor has warned them that they can drop dead before dinner. A bodybuilder lives for his muscles. He sacrifices his entire existence in the name of thicker muscle fibers. Therefore, giving up the anabolics is harder than divorcing his kidneys, liver and heart.

Growth hormone is essential too. It keeps you young, lean and mean. All pros take growth to polish their physiques. Proof? Their heads mutate into something usually located on aliens.

HABIT 2: DON’T TAKE SUPPLEMENTS. SELL THEM.

Only amateur bodybuilders suffering from intelligence deficiency take supplements. Even the thought of sampling those powders is insulting when you are a pro.

The words “protein powder”, “creatine”, “glutamine”, “BCAA”, “pre-workout” and “test boosters” create an unparalleled level of “cringe” in the heart of a bodybuilder who knows what’s up.

Muscle ninjas who take supplements are the equivalent of businessmen who don’t lie and cheat. You can call them losers for short.

The following sentence is super important. You must read it 10 times.

Successful bodybuilders DO NOT take supplements. They sell them.

This is a very important part of the ascension plan. If you want to be rich, you must extract money from the insecure betas stealing from their mom’s purse to load on creatine.

Never forget the golden adage:

“Every coin spent on protein powder is one less drop of tren.”

Repeat it 10 times. Set it as your screen saver. Get it tattooed on your shoulder.

HABIT 3: DON’T DO HARD WORKOUTS

Every successful bodybuilder knows that hardcore workouts are for morons who don’t understand life.

The kid deadlifting heavy weights and recording them on a camera so that Mark Rippetoe can call him a real man is a beta loser.

Always get a PUMP and leave. That’s it. Don’t do stupid things like 1RM unless you want to end up like Ronnie Coleman. Be smart. Be like Jay Cutler – get the pump and leave.

One of the biggest lies in bodybuilding is that hard workouts build your body. They do not. The drugs build your body. Hard workouts destroy muscles and tear ligaments. Pump. Pump. Pump.

Leave powerlifting to the dummies worshiping men with fat guts a.k.a. hippos. Don’t think even for a second that women are into that. All powerlifters are essentially failed bodybuilders whose wives are getting ******** by the guy on Trenbolone delivering the pizzas and Thai food necessary for perma-bulking

“But..strength…..”

Shut up, dummy. Heavy weights should be avoided at all costs. What do you need that strength for? Get to 220lbs at 8% body fat and tell me how you need more strength.

Forget the word strength. Remove it from your vocabulary. Strength? You have to be kidding me. What are you? A truck? Strength is just a word that losers use to describe their failure to build a womanizing physique.

HABIT 4: DON’T FOLLOW THE DIETS THAT YOU PROMOTE. JUST GET THE CALORIES IN.

Bodybuilders are not built on chicken breast, infected tilapia, broccoli, apples, oatmeal, rice and other garbage promoted by the megaphones.

It’s all about burgers, pizza, sushi and other calorie-dense foods. Only the kids who are not on growth should eat clean. Real bodybuilders are not birds; they are mutants. You can’t create a mutant on a low-calorie diet designed for rabbits.

HABIT 5: NEVER SAY THE TRUTH

Telling the truth is a sin. Never do it. Keep pumping the lies. This is how winning is done. Only amateurs and losers who can barely make a car payment say the truth. Never forget that lies equal money whereas honesty equals debt and poverty.

Don’t worry. The more you lie, the better you get at it.

Honestly, by the time you are a pro, you will be better at lying than bench pressing.

HABIT 6: DON’T VISUALIZE ANYTHING. JUST INJECT, BRO.

The gurus say that you should visualize your goals. They consider visualization some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

You want to know the truth?

This is retarded.

Forget about wishful thinking, the law of attraction and positive thoughts about bunnies. That’s fodder for the plebes that leads to stagnation and nothing else. Real winners focus on what really works – in this case – injecting.

HABIT 7: REGULAR BLOOD CHECKS

Successful bodybuilders check their blood as often as needed. They ain’t playing around. They understand that there are consequences – one day you have kidneys, the next day you have a tube.

The pros rely on a doctor who’s “aware” of their adventures and helps them.

HABIT 8

 RESPECT YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER BUT RESPECT YOUR DEALER MORE

What are pro bodybuilders without dealers? Naturals a.k.a. their worst nightmare.

Hence it is of utmost importance to remain really tight with your dealer and respect him.

This is especially true for growth hormone. Finding a legit source is very difficult these days.

If for some reason you get in an argument with your dealer, remember that you have more to lose than him. He can always find another addict in need of anabolics. So, if he asks for more, give him more.

Bye.