Harry TheBicepsFlexKilla decided to measure his arms – they were barely 13.5 inches in circumference. The tape was loose and he only had the courage to evaluate his dominant arm. “Sad, sorrowful day. The other one is probably under 13 inches,” thought Harry. Tears began accumulating in his eyes, and his heart was surrounded and squeezed by heavy melancholy. It was the type of feeling you experience when you lose a wallet full of cash and a bank card with the code written on it.
He has read on a training forum known as S-Nation that only losers have arms under 15 inches. That’s what a fat but muscular dude working as a dentist had posted using the nickname Professor Xpermabulk on the training forum.
The chest of Harry shrank. He felt closed in a box and hunched over. What was he going to do? Despite his efforts in the gym he still had minuscule arms incapable of impressing anybody besides little kittens. Was his life a failure? Harry decided to do it again: he took the tape and flexed his biceps as hard as possible. Same result – 13,5 inches.
“Fuck it. I am adding an arm day as Prof. Xpermabulk suggests. He has 20-inchers. He knows what he is talking about,” concluded Harry.
While driving to the gym Harry was arranging an epic arm workout in his head. The plan was to do about 10 sets of barbells curls, 10 sets of concentration dumbbell curls, 10 sets of Scott curls and then some triceps work – pushdowns, kickbacks and skullcrushers. It was going to be a 90-minute workout dedicated only to his biceps and triceps.
Once in the gym Harry headed towards the dumbbell rack while trying to ignore everything and everybody on his way. In front of the dumbbell stack there was a big dude with Eurotrash style haircut. He was twice Harry’s size and his arms were enormous. In this guy Harry saw everything he ever wanted, except for the haircut but he was willing to compromise if looking like that was part of getting your arms enormous. The big guy was doing arms that day and was curling some light weights to get a nice pump.
Harry took a pair of light dumbbells to warm-up and started curling like a mad man. His concentration and focus were intense. It was going to take an explosion to get him out of the trance. After a few sets Harry grabbed the straight bar, as Prof. Permabulk had ordered in his post, and worked his was way up to about 35 kg / 77 lbs with a little cheating. His biceps felt like they were getting torn apart. “I am growing,” thought Harry and a hint of a smile appeared on his face. Then, he proceeded with concentration curls, which were supposed to give him a more pronounced biceps peak. With each set the pump was increasing rapidly. Liters of blood were flooding Harry’s biceps. He was loving it. The veins were popping and the size of his arms was visually increasing. The feeling was amazing, just as Arnold describes it. One in a million. Amazing. Never better.
After 30 minutes Harry was deep into his biceps workout. Set 155 was about to begin. What was it this time? Scott curls, of course. Harry had read that this movement is the best for the “lower portion of the biceps”, which was Harry’s weaker biceps section. 10 sets were done before a slight pain at the elbow appeared. “Fuck it,” thought Harry and moved to the next and final biceps exercise – dumbbell curls on an incline bench for the inner fibers of the muscle.
In a short period of time 10 sets….no…11…were completed. Harry decided to do one extra for a girl he believed was watching him train.
The whole biceps torture took about 1 hour, but the workout was far from complete. It was time for the horseshoe – the triceps. “It’s going to be brutal,” thought Harry while looking at his triceps. He went to the cable machine and started pressing it like there is no tomorrow. From the side it looked like Harry was fighting demons, which had taken over his triceps, and the only cure were pushdowns. 10 sets of 10 reps were done.
There was so much blood in Harry’s biceps that he felt a little lightheaded. There was just not enough oxygen going into his brain. He sat on the bench for a few minutes to get his head straight before the next obstacle – skullcrushers.
3 minutes later he was pumping rep after rep using a special technique he got from a retired powerlifter. Instead of keeping his arms at 90 degrees to his body, the angle was bigger – around 120 degrees. That was supposed to hit the long head of the triceps more and protect the connective tissue of the elbow. 10 sets of 10 reps were completed – again. His triceps felt like independent meat disconnected from the rest of his body. It was like Harry had lost sensitivity in his entire body except his triceps. They were miserable, which was making him happy.
On to the next exercise – single arm reverse grip triceps pushdowns.
Harry started the first set but felt weak. He was getting hungrier and his mental focus was going away. It was time for a stimulant. He pulled out his 7-inch smartphone and loaded YouTube. He needed a video of a hardcore lifter to motivate him. Who? Branch Warren, The Mad Hobgoblin From Texas. Harry loved the intensity of Branch Warren and how he appeared to be on cocaine during each of his filmed workouts. Harry was really digging this style. He watched about 5 minutes of Warren’s arm workout and said in his head: “I come to destroy.” He restarted the reverse triceps pushdowns and put so much anger into it that the cable machine started shaking. The guy doing cable pull-overs behind him felt threatened. Who was this mad monkey trying to take down the gym during his triceps workout?
10 sets of 10 reps were done. The pain was unbearable and Harry’s elbows were begging him to stop the punishment. His wrists were hurting too, but he said: “No mercy!!!” and restarted the arm crucifixion. There were three more exercises left and Harry was going to do them no matter what. Even a SWAT team wasn’t going to stop him.
Boom. A heavy dumbbell was on the floor. Harry got into position and started doing heavy overhead triceps extensions. He was aiming to hit the long head really hard. It was his weakest triceps district, and Harry really wanted to make it bigger in order to build triceps worthy of 1 000 Facebook or Instagram likes. “They will be ‘miring”, though Harry while checking his arm in the mirror. It was a good time to for arm evaluation because the gym got half empty. The morning rush hour was over and people were going to work now. Harry was alone, almost. There were two others and a woman doing cardio. Obviously, she was a target.
The final exercise was close grip push-ups – a good finisher according to the “pinning-each-other-with-steroids-twins” from YouTube. Harry got on the floor and started doing rep after rep. To his surprise the exercise was quite difficult and the fact that his arms were almost numb was not helping. He did 5 reps and collapsed. The sound of his body dropping on the floor attracted the attention of the cardio bunny. Harry knew that the only way for him to do 9 more sets of this tribulation was to get down on his knees and do the push-ups women style like in the Tae Bo videos. He didn’t want this girl to see him in a weak position and went to the other section of the room where he began doing close grip push-ups on his knees. The whole time Harry was screaming like it was a record lift. At the end of each set he was lifting the stack of weights of a nearby machine loaded with many plates. He was letting the weights drop and make a loud sound. He wanted the girl to think he was doing something really difficult. Ironically, she just turned up the volume of the TV and continued watching the re-run of X-factor. She was curious how her idols were doing.
After close to 90 minutes of arm destruction it was finally over. 1000 reps of biceps and 1210 reps of triceps. Harry couldn’t stay on his feet, but decided to use the time to do a front double biceps pose in front of the mirror. He looked massive and the arms were his most prominent body part. “It’s happening. Dad, you were wrong. I am going to make it,” thought Harry.
Then he quickly went to his locker and took out the tape. He really wanted to measure his arms after getting such an epic pump. He was told that if you can pump your arms to a certain size, you can probably get them this big in cold condition one day. He needed to believe.
Unfortunately, Harry had trouble untying the tape. He was in a hurry because he wanted to measure his arms while they were still hot, but he had lost dexterity from the fatigue. Finally, after about a minute the tape was free. Full of hope he wrapped it around his dominant arm while wondering in his mind: “How big are they going to be 14, 15 maybe 16? The answer was 14.5 inches. “An inch bigger,” said Harry out loud. He was going to scream, but some guy entered the locker room. Harry used the moment to flex his arms. He felt like they were humongous.
The arm increase gave Harry wings and he was a monster at work. His colleagues were wondering: “Why is he so happy? His job sucks.” They just didn’t know about that 1 inch increase. They didn’t know that Harry’s arms were going to get bigger than ever. The boss was curious too. Last month he had cut 10% of Harry’s salary, and despite the drama today the drone was working at full capacity. “Damn. He probably thinks I am going to recover his salary and maybe even increase it. People are really stupid. I will just fire him after he burns out and I have milked his ideas. Stupid slave,” though Harry’s boss.
In the evening Harry launched YouTube and started looking for more arm training secrets. He found a video of a guy with many tattoos who was calling himself Rich Piano. Since the piano is Harry’s favorite instrument, he decided to watch the video. This Piano guy was telling people how they need to get an epic arm pump before going to bed. Piano’s logic was simple: what you do last in your day becomes a higher priority on subconscious level, and logically getting an arm pump before falling asleep is a good way to ensure incredible growth.
10 sets of 10 reps biceps curls and 10 sets of 10 reps overhead triceps extensions were done. Harry had to use a heavy bottle of water because he didn’t have weights at home. To calm his mind and make sure he is doing things right, he left a comment underneath the video asking: “It is ok if I do the exercises with bottles of water, prison style?” It was ok according to some random Internet guy.
At about 11 o’clock, after taking his slow releasing protein, Harry went to bed and fell asleep with a smile on his face. “It’s happening,” said Harry to himself once again. “All I need to do right now is sleep for 8 hours and grow.”
The next morning Harry woke up with intense pain in his arms. From top to bottom his biceps and triceps were hurting units. The elbows were killing him too. When he tried to stretch out his arms, excruciating soreness ran down his biceps. “Damn. I really did kill my arms yesterday.”
Thereupon he stood in front of the mirror.
He was visually leaner, because of the water weight loss during the night, but to his surprise the arms were not that impressive. If anything they were flat as a pancake. In a few short moves he got his trusty tape and measured his dominant arm – 13,4 inches.
Harry was small again. He sat on his bed and looked down at the floor. The pump was gone. His size had disappeared into the shadows.