Why I Will Most Likely Never Use Kettlebells

My first meeting with a kettlebell was over a decade ago in some sort of a dirty store for sporting goods. The place was simply trash and one blow away from total destruction. I bought a dumbbell handle and two 1.25 kg plates that I use to this very day. The total was something like 5 kilograms. Heavy.

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I remember the fat lady that sold them to me. She gave me a nasty look saying: “With or without those dumbbells, you will remain a pussy forever, skinny boy. I can hear the beating of your heart and it tells me exactly that. Here you go anyway.” {laughs and returns to watching a small TV}

The next day I did some biceps curls using all 5 kilograms and my arms were super sore for about five days. Maybe the fat bitch had a point.


Anyway, among the other goods there were a few kettlebells on the ground. As far as I remember they were black, but I can’t recall whether they were looking professionally and well made. All I know is that I tried lifting one, and it felt too heavy, so I stopped. Later, I learned that the kettlebells sold at that place were filled with sand and of very poor quality despite costing a lot of money – almost double the price of a dumbbell of the same weight. At the time I did not have any money and buying the handle and the two plates was expensive enough. Now, many years after this life changing experience, I can afford to buy much more iron, but I still find kettlebells too expensive compared to what you can get for the same amount of money.

A few weeks back I wanted to order a couple of high quality kettlebells from the Internet, but when I calculated how much I will have to pay for two kettlebells and the shipping, I had no choice but to press ALT+F4 and close my browser. It was time to go to bed anyway.

For the same amount of paper, I can find a quality barbell and some plates without even paying for the shipping. In brief, I can’t justify spending so much on kettlebells, knowing very well that my physical goals can be achieved without the usage of this “underground Russian weapon”.

To me kettlebells are just like Apple’s production. Due to specific marketing the products have some sort of special aura and a lot of fan-boys and girls use it to justify the ridiculously high price. Sorry, but you can do the same thing with a PC just as well. I have never been an Apple person and don’t plan on becoming one anytime soon. I guess I will have to add kettlebells to my list too. The ironic part is that I believe kettlebells are pretty cool for certain exercises and definitely have advantage over dumbbells in some situations. I would definitely be using them, if they were reasonably priced and I did not have to order them from somewhere across the ocean. I guess we were never meant to be together. I have a long history of being cheap and she is overpriced. Two things that don’t mix well together.

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