The Functional Training Community Is Making Natural Bodybuilders Even More Delusional

The functional training community is not nearly as innocent as many of you think. It has contributed greatly to the enormous amount of delusional beliefs found in the muscle building sector.

Below I have listed a few major unrealistic ideas supported by the so-called functional training camp which includes the following branches:

image source: http://starcraft.wikia.com;

image source: http://starcraft.wikia.com; 5×5 zealots are hard to deal with;

  • 5×5 zealots;

  • kettlebell comrades;

  • bodyweight sectarians;

  • barbell fanatics;

  • squat slaves;

  • look at me CrossFit village whores;

  1. You shouldn’t do high reps because you can gain unneeded and nonfunctional bodybuilding muscle.

In many books gurus like Pavel Tsatsouline brag about how sets of five with heavy weights make you strong without adding the unneeded extra bulk that only moronic bodybuilders may want. Really? You all believe this nonsense? Let me tell show you the major flaw of this theory.


First, there is not such thing as “unneeded bulk”. When you are natural any amount of extra muscles mass just makes you stronger and more athletic. It is literally impossible to get so big to the point where your muscles are a problem. It just can’t happen ever. That’s a fact of life. Sorry.

If you think that you are suddenly going to become a monster after engaging in some high rep training, you are up for a big surprise. You will never develop “nonfunctional muscle mass” that “slows you down” and makes a poor performing machine. It ain’t happening. Forget about it.

  1. Bodybuilders are big because they eat a lot.

Oh, brother! Just stop!

Many natural warriors are convinced by the functional training community consisting primarily of eggheads that getting big is all about eating “enough” food.

Do you really think all extra calories are going to cause extra growth? You really think your arms are not 19 inches of muscle because you are not eating enough protein? You really believe that by eating pizza with olive oil on it, you will get more muscular?

After a certain threshold all extra calories go to your waist. That’s a fact of life too. Period.

  1. With Cross Fit you can build a ton of muscles?

Sure, you can….buddy.

CrossFit ain’t making you big as a natural either. Tons of CrossFitters are pinning their glutes hardcore style too. Do you really think CrossFit is some sort of revolutionary training method that will somehow overcome all natural limitations and make a huge shredded monster? You really think you can become 200 lbs of lean muscle thanks to kipping pull-ups and kettlebell swings? Well, it’s not going to work, but you can’t see it because you are too focused on the smoke and mirrors.

The most annoying thing about the functional bodybuilding community is how the members always try to make themselves look superior to the losers who are in this muscle game only for the looks. Well, here’s a secret for you – everybody starts lifting weights in an attempt to improve his body composition. You don’t simply go in the gym and try to be “functional”.

The functional bozos ain’t innocent. Period.

One comment

  1. Spartaaa

    Cite any study to back up your claim, friend. And, BTW, your natty limit calculator is flawed. It doesn’t take into account bone density, visceral fat, race, genetics, somatotypes(this one’s not yet proved or disproved) etc. They make a LOT of difference. It’s not a one size fits all. Plus, know that spot training is not a myth. An article in T nation by Christian Thibadeau states that when he was a weightlifter his legs measured body fat at 5% but his upper body was a whooping 20%. So body fat level measurements are quite innacurate. Also, you’re site goes like “This guy ‘looks’ 5% bf”. If advancement in biomechanics and machinery isn’t able to truly give the accurate result, I wanna know the secret by which you deduce such minute details with your eagle eyes. XP.

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