Proper Squat Technique? Overthinking Bozos Complicate Everything

Over-analyzing has the potential to make everything more complicated than needed. The lifting lecturers who treat the so-called Big Three lifts (squat, bench press and deadlift) like rocket science prove this actuality time after time.

I am sorry, squat professors, but there is far more complex material than a few basic exercises, which usually don’t require more than six months to learn.


Today was no different.

I started the computer, launched YouTube and what do I see? Another permabulker suffering from inflated ego trying to convince me that squatting is as convoluted as a heart transplant.

You really have to keep your back as tight as possible when you squat,” said Mr. PermaBulk.

Thanks, man. Nice tip. Until now I was imagining that my back is a sausage when I squat. You changed my life forever. What’s next? Please, teach me.

When you squat you have to keep your back straight too,” adds Mr. PermaBulk.

Really? Where have I heard that before? What’s next? Do I also have to hold the bar really tight when I squat? Until now I was using only my pinkies. Maybe this is why I can’t squat heavy weights? Correct?

Yes, this is correct. You have to hold on really tight to the bar. Make sure to that your knuckles turn white. It’s an ancient Soviet secret. It’s also really important that your feet point at a 42 degree angle?

Why 42 degrees and not 43?

Because according to my experience this is the amount of rotation that provides the best possible glute activation. 1 degree more or less and you will experience glute deflation or inflation. 42 is the golden spot,” said Mr. PermaBulk and placed the back of his hands on his waist because when you have a fat gut that’s more comfortable than using a regular grip.

Thanks for the enlightenment man. I didn’t know that until now. I hope that my glute activation will be spot on from now on. Any other advice?

Yes. When you squat, you have to bend your knees and descend. If you don’t do that, you cannot squat.”

Oh, man! Don’t say! I am learning so much already. I am certain those new tips will make me a world record squatter like you. I am pretty sure this is why you are so strong and the amount of steroids you have taken over the years has nothing to do with that. It’s all about bending your knees and descending the right way. Correct? By the way, how deep do I have to squat?

You want to squat a little bit below parallel. That’s a full squat,” replied Mr. PermaBulk.

Note: For those of you who don’t know a little bit below parallel is actually 3 inches above parallel in permabulking terms.

Thanks man. I really can’t stand people who don’t squat deep enough. Those guys deserve hell and should not have the right to reproduce. We don’t want more high squatters. There are plenty already.

I hear you man. I can’t stand them either. I don’t want to sound prejudiced, but I think those guys have a ton of work to do before they reach the level of full squatters like me. We squat full. We Gods,” said Mr. PermaBulk and hit his chest gorilla style a few times.

I hear you man. Please, tell me about proper squat stance. What do you think is the perfect position for maximum power.

Listen to me very carefully. I am about to drop some sick barbell wisdom on you. You don’t want your stance to be too narrow or too wide. Not many people know that, but you are terribly lucky. You have me,” said Mr. PermaBulk and looked at me with a facial expression that could mean only one thing – I was supposed to treat Mr. PermaBulk as if he was wiser than Confucius.

Nice try, Mr. PermaBulk, but I think I will take it from here.

I understand that technique is very important in order to prevent injuries, but those barbell wizards are trying to complicate powerlifting in order to feel superior to others and feed their egos. I am sorry but I don’t see these three exercises as something particularly hard to learn. Like I said, a few months should be enough to get them down.

In my experience most of the time bad form comes from ego slavery rather than technique incompetence. Too bad guys like Mr. PermaBulk often omit that lesson while focusing on trivial stuff and feeding naturals garbage numbers achievable only by steroid junkies.

Ultimately, you can choose to make everything as complicated as you want, but at the end of the day a squat is just a squat. End of discussion.

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