The post below reveals some of the biggest bodybuilding illusions ever.
1. You need 2-3 grams of protein per lbs of bodyweight to get big. No, you don’t.
2. “I can help you put an inch on your arms in a month,” says every training guru looking to make a buck.
3. “All bodybuilders on testosterone are natural because testosterone comes from nature, and when you inject testosterone, you are simply putting more nature inside of you,” thought the fake natty while letting the needle infiltrate his glutes.
4. “You can get as big as Ronnie Coleman naturally. It just takes more time,” wrote an anonymous poster on the forum of T-Nation.com.
5. “After I drop 20lbs, I will be shredded,” said the 30% BF kid that had gone from 150lbs to 220lbs in three months as recommended by the bulking authorities on Starting Strength.com.
6. “A calorie is a calorie,” said the shredded fake natty while injecting Trenbolone prior to a McDonald’s visit.
7. “I would look the same without steroids because they’re just the finishing touch,” said the pro bodybuilder to the kids while laughing inside
8. “I cut my drugs 2 weeks prior to a contest. Therefore, I am semi-natural,” said a fake natty to himself while posting a link to the website of his new supplement sponsor.
9. “Dana Linn Bailey is as natural as they make them,” said George Farah.
10. “You are probably not eating enough, and that’s why you’re not big,” said Phil Heath to a 19-year-old who’d just taken his shirt off during a seminar, so that pro builders on grams of anabolic steroids can evaluate his natty physique.
11. “An adult male weighs at least 200 pounds,” wrote Mark Rippetoe while completely ignoring the fact that an adult male can weigh much less than 200lbs and still be a real man.
12. “Milk is quite literally better than steroids for a novice lifter to grow on, and no supplement produces the same effect,” said Mark Rippetoe prior to initiating his plan to create a master race consisting of skinny fat bastards with 315 belted low bar squats done at the “manly” bodyweight of 250lbs.
13. “The big and shredded CrossFit dudes are natural because they do CrossFit,” posted a skinny dude in defense of his heroes Rich Froning and Miranda Oldroyd.
14. “I am doing squats, bench presses and deadlifts. That makes me superior to anybody who doesn’t. I am the best there is. All else is pussies,” was thinking a teenager while writing a post on bodybuilding.com. The post was: “No squats!!!? Phaggot. U red. Negged.”
15. “I believe you can achieve this level of development if you have the right genetics and take supplements every day,” commented a delusional teen under a photo of Simeon Panda.
16. “It was nice pump workout. I am happy that my arms will be toned for the clubs. Women will be ‘miring! Can’t wait,” said no Don Juan ever.
17. “Fertile eggs are as effective as anabolic steroids,” said Vince Gironda while knowing very well that all of his popular clients are on steroids.
18. “Once you get really big muscles, everything will follow – love, money, career…You will be one of the happiest people in the world,” says the devil in your ear when you are thinking about starting a steroid cycle.
19. “I just did 30 minutes of cardio. Therefore, it’s perfectly fine to eat a 500kcal chocolate bar,” keeps on saying the person that can’t lose weight.
20. “Arnold Schwarzenegger took D-bol only 1-2 weeks prior to competitions,” said Pinocchio.
21. “I want to lose fat. That’s why I have to remove all fat from my diet.“, said a fatty without realizing that fast carbs and a persistent caloric surplus are the main reasons for gaining fat.
22. “I workout and take multi-vitamins every day. I don’t have to worry about anything. My health will be just fine,” said a delusional teen after another night of all out drinking.
23. “If I stop taking steroids, I will keep all of my muscle gains. All I have to do is keep lifting and take more supplements,” said no pro bodybuilder ever without crossing his fingers.
24. “Bodybuilders eat clean all the time and stay lean all year because of supreme genetics,” said Mr. Blue Pill.
25. “Bodybuilding sucks. Powerlifting is where it’s at,” said a permabulker planning to break the natty limits naturally. It didn’t work.
26. “When I bench 2 plates, squat 3 plates, and deadlift 4 plates, I will have the right to post on Starting Strength.com,” wrote a teen under annual plans.
27. “If I eat ultra-clean foods and do the Get-Big-and-Shredded program, I will burn fat and gain muscle at the same time,” said a teen after reading a 20m long page on the Internet advertising an e-book that usually costs USD 2,999 but just today is available for USD 29.
28. “Big muscles are gay,” said the 95lbs weakling after choosing to play Battlefield 4 for one more hour instead of going to the gym.
29. “I will buy 50 Cents’ and LL Cool J’s workouts. I want them gangsta ghetto muscles,” said a teen while rapping on a deodorant in front of the bathroom mirror.
30. “I think it has grown 1/8 of an inch,” said a boy after his first biceps workout.
31. “People that don’t lift, don’t deserve to live,” are thinking all weightlifting snobs.
32. “I will be growing as a weed as soon as I start getting that extra test from squats and deads,“, said a boy after reading on the Internet that squats and deads increase your testosterone levels.
33. “I found your steroids,” said a worried mom to her son after locating whey protein powder in his bedroom.
34. “I found your cocaine. Care to share some,” said the sister of a teen bodybuilder after locating his creatine.
35. “Why are you crying, son,” said Mrs. Robinson to her son.
“Yesterday, I forgot to take my BCAAs. My biceps are 1/100 smaller. FML!“, replied the son.
36. “Bodybuilders don’t wear thongs,” said Pinocchio.
37. “I am not attracted to muscular lean men,” said the 20-year-old wife of a local businessman carrying a 50-inch belly.
38. “Phil Heath responds to my comments on Facebook. He really cares about his fans,” said a bodybuilder after writing a comment under one of Phil Heath’s product-related posts.
39. “I don’t want to look big. I just want to be strong and look like shit,” said no one ever.
40. “If I do 3,000 sit-ups every day, I will have abs like Christiano Ronaldo,” said a fatty while eating a double cheeseburger.